Voting ends tomorrow night, and thank you thank you thank you to all of you intrepid b’eaw readers who are keeping me in the running, despite the fact that I do not have the word ‘rock’ in my blog title. One last time…with feeling:
VOTE HERE VOTE HERE CLICK CLICK CLICK, AS SANDS THROUGH THE HOURGLASS, SO ARE THE VOTES OF OUR LIVES
Originally my mother was hoping that I’d be successful enough at this stage of my life to buy her a shore house with a Polish immigrant pool boy and enough space for impromptu polka parties. But faring well in a blog contest could buy me another 10 years on the shore house.
I would like to buy her a shore house and install a big plaque on the front that says “POLKA PALACE” but I don’t know if it’s in the cards.
I struggle with this, because if anyone deserves a Polka Palace on the waterfront, it’s my mama. But we can barely afford student loan payments and flower tights and dog meds and Out, Damn Spot enzyme-activated dog poo stain remover. Our bathroom I fully expect will drop through the kitchen ceiling one morning, due to outrageous water damage we can’t afford to fix. We have a gutter garden, as our neighbors pointed out—small maple saplings sprouting in the rain gutter over our back porch. The rest of the gutters have fallen off completely, so it’s nice to see one still getting some use.
I don’t know how people manage beyond mere survival in the United States. We are still in thrival, despite ridiculously, obscenely good educations (educations that now look as if they will never be paid off). The blessings are there, yes, of course they are…but it is difficult to swallow the count your blessings line of advice when administered via magazine and TV by folks in the echelon of Oprah (with whom I generally have no grudge-y beef) or Martha (with whom I do have some salt-crusted, perfectly roasted beef).
I need to breathe better. Deeper. From the gut. I need to let it all go and just park my tushie on the couch and stare at our lit Christmas tree in the dark (next to the menorah). I need to blow a big fat wet kiss goodbye to self-imposed expectations, and pet my dogs, and snuggle my kids, and ruffle my husband’s glorious curls, and hug my mother. And if holiday cards and photos do not go out this year, it will not be a tragedy. I am doing the best I can.
So why doesn’t it feel like it?
Thoughts, loveys?
{ 29 comments }
My advice, for what it’s worth, is to stop watching Oprah-esque TV and reading magazines like US and People and other printed versions of baloney-filled tripe. They all seem to spray-paint the world in happy colors and the ads involve happy people taking medication to maintain their happiness because meds are ‘in’ these days and why isn’t everyone happy? Hogwash. Don’t worry about the future or bother with the past…if you can see how blessed you are right now, then that’s all that matters. Also, I just voted for you, so there’s that.
When I quit my job to stay home with my girls, I thought that being frugal and financially creative might be “fun.” I looked at it like a diet, if I just stayed disciplined, we’d be ok.
Turns out, struggling financially sucks. It’s unbelievable to me how much stress is created when you struggle for money. The dishwasher breaks, you start handwashing your dishes. When you sell your second car to make a little money, it gets poured right into the hot water heater that broke that same day. When there is just enough money to go around, even the little things feel overwhelming. And don’t get me started on friends with big, beautiful (and some how clean) houses and the envy I feel when I walk into our own worn home with the patchwork exterior paint job.
But life is about choices and this was our choice. I easily could have dove into my career and we wouldn’t be rich, but we’d be comfortable. That isn’t the life we wanted though, and that’s what gets me through. I bet your mom is much more grateful to live in her home near her daughter and family, rather than a Polka Palace on the beach.
Hang tough…and I’m rooting for you on the Blog Awards. You deserve it.
ok, not to freak you out, but I want to give you a hug. perfect stranger and all. I know exactly where you are coming from complete with the bathroom with exponential amounts of water damage. You know your life is bad when you actually hope you do have black mold because then the home owners insurance would pay to remodel the dang bathroom.
I really hate it when people who have money (and other stuff I’ve wanted, not necessarily money) dismiss what they have with an absentminded hand gesture and a fake “oh this isn’t what’s important!” well, no it’s not, but by golly being able to pay some bills and not have nasty carpet sure does make it easier to focus on the stuff that does matter.
I blame the media for setting and propagating unrealistic, goals, ideals and values.
We struggle everyday in our house with the same problems and in the end sometimes it’s easier to change our goals than to accomplish them.
I am a big believer in embracing chaos and change as good and rigid views of accomplishments as bad…
Any who… sometimes the best life has to offer is dog poo and broken gutters. This doesn’t mean you have to feel great about it just means you should stop looking so hard for affirmation.
Who’s typing this? Dr. Phil is that you? Gaaaa someone help I have been possesed by the wicked psedo doc. Is my hair falling out yet?
I forgot to add:
Let us live gladly! Quite certainly we are free to do it. Perhaps it is our only freedom, but ours it is, and it is only phenomenally a freedom. ‘Living free’ is being ‘as one is’. Can we not do it now? Indeed can we not-do-it? It is not even a ‘doing’: it is beyond doing and not-doing. It is being as-we-are. This is the only ‘practice’. ‘All Else is Bondage; Non-Volitional Living’ – Wei Wu Wei
(http://www.amidabuddha.org/news/14Dec2006.html)
Tis the season to stress out over all manner of crap, my friend. Take that deep breath, and tell all those worries that TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY and today you need to just relax a little.
Hi, Jenn. I am an often reader and a not very occasional commenter. I just want to say that when I see the bloggers I love having difficulty with something that I might be able to help them address, I feel a responsibility to chime in, even if nothing comes of it. Anyway, I couldn’t seem to find an email for you to contact you directly, but I want to encourage you to contact me because I can show you a way to reduce your debt and reverse the “money pit” effect of your home. This isn’t about mortgages/refinancing or debt roll down services, but rather it’s a way for homeowners all over the country to become debt free and build real wealth without a change of lifestyle. Please drop me a line so we can talk more about what I might be able to do for you. You’re not the only one struggling.
Hang in there,
Sara
P.S. I voted for you!
You are one of many who struggle with the same issues about money and house damage/future house damage, and dog poo/pee in the house. Take a deep breath and do what I do, ignore it as best you can. I allow my husband to do the stressing usually in our family. You can only take care of what you can take care of and leave the rest to God, Allah, The Great Spirit, or whomever is “up there” looking down at us and chuckling while keeping our loved ones from having major car accidents on the way home from work, or keeping a loved one from surgery complications on what she (okay, I) considered a big deal. It could be worse. Hurry, and knock on some wood.
P.S. I blame Bush Sr. and Jr.
No advice, just love love love. I’m sorry you’re stressed. Stress sucks.
Maybe you can’t buy your mom a shore house right now, but let me know if you end up renting one for a week or so–I’d love to tag along! (Especially if you find a Polish immigrant pool boy.) My parents aren’t going to have the most extravagant gifts this year either, if it’s any consolation.
On a different topic, the “Captivate” advertising thingy in the elevator in my office building just reminded me to vote for the Weblog Awards–but of course I had already voted today!
Put down the pen for christmas cards, put down the cookie cutters, put down the wrapping paper, boxes, ribbons, tape, poo-shampoo.
Do what you already know you should be doing. Grab an egg nogg, (or at least something festive) and sit in the dark in front of the tree with your husband. When they’re old enough or interested enough let your kids sit with you. Read the night before Christmas. Make a huge bowl of popcorn (for dinner!!!!)and watch all the claymation christmas specials till everyone falls asleep on the couch.
Let Christmas be the time you don’t worry about money for just a few days of the year and focus on family and friends. Make a rule that no store bought gifts are to enter your home. If you have some friends over who like to bring gifts make it a cookie exchange or homemade gifts only. This season was never supposed to be about money in the first place.
Merry Christmas, thank you for blessing me with a laugh now and again!!
Hooray! Your husband isn’t bald! You CAN ruffle his adorable curls (I love the curly headed ones, and keep one myself)! Also: Hooray! You’ve got ADORABLE kids/pets! Hooray! You were able to get a good (albeit costly) education – an opportunity afforded to few and fewer people, even in this country, to say nothing of other places.
Hooray! There is only so much longer that you’ll be embarassed by the president(s general existence) and Hooray! Your mom is still alive to enjoy these things. You can always rent the shorehouse all together sometime for a week or so – more fun, less upkeep and I bet the polka parties would happen as well.
PS. For another ‘shore’ – if you guys ever get a chance to come out to California, visit my hometown (Carpinteria – bonus: You may see Eden from Fussy) and there are tons of adorable, affordable little beach rentals.
That being said: Who said not being satisfied was a bad thing? Doesn’t it make you want to strive to do/be more?
Also: Send a big email ‘Christmas card” and tell everyone you’re doing your bit to save the environment and their homes from clutter. I’d totally buy it.
You have more people than you realize working hard to turn out the votes you need to win that blog award.
Take some small consolation that there are a lot of rich people who have a lot of problems, and a lot of unhappiness. You can’t take it with you anyway. To live a relatively modest life, without guilt or regrets, and to leave the world a slightly better place than you found it… is the best any of us can do.
Money is merely one means to an end, that end being happiness for you and your family. There are many other paths to that same end, and many people have discovered that the monetary one is not as definite or successful as most of us have been led to believe. You are blessed with a plethora of other resources upon which you may draw in pursuit of happiness for your family. Your education is one of those resources. Your artistic talents are another. Your extended family is yet another. You have a wonderful toolbox. Maybe money isn’t one of the tools you possess in abundance, but I would worry less about the tools you don’t have, and instead plan out how to make the most of the tools you DO.
Besides, the holidays are no time to be gettin’ all emo on us.
Hey, there, cutie. De-lurking to tell you that a) you’re wonderful; b) I have a Master’s Degree, year of piled-higher-and-deeper school and an $80,000 student loan debt–almost all of it interest. For more years than I can count, I have been paying $660.41 to that Great Bitch Sallie Mae, and up until the last few years, I thought I’d never be able to do. . . most anything. That said, while I only have one child (can’t afford to send her to college, but mine couldn’t send me, either–but oy! the guilt!!), a little at a time, I’ve been able to help her monetarily in a variety of ways. While I am not currently following “my bliss” to the fullest, the hub and I did just buy a house (well, supernice condo), which to me, seems miraculous. Of course, it also means I’ve been a corporate (writing) whore for some time, moving up the corporate whore ranks. Not sure where I’m going with all of this, except to say: try to keep the faith. And never say never. Those maple saplings could grow into (replantable!) trees, and maybe your David will sell enough paintings to put the other gutters to shame. Fabulous writer are you, fabulous mother you have, and fabulous family all around. Good luck, Jen!
It scares me how much this sounds like my life – right down to the trees growing in the remaining gutters and the menorah next to the Christmas tree (well, except the tree isn’t up yet).
Just ordered the rest of my cards a few minutes ago.
Good luck with the award. At least you have a fabu blog!
As I sat weeping in my cramped, water stained pantry the other night, I was pondering these same things. Well, not the polka palace but the fact that I seem to be running around frantically all the time and still feel that I am not doing enough. Unlimited time and funds – what are those? I know I should break out with the refrain from Coal Miner’s Daughter, “We was po’ but we had love” but sometimes I just want to feel a little sad about the fact that the sole of my shoe is coming off. You know?
You are on the right track though…I think we are all just doing the best that we can. That is my mantra…
Hey, girl …. YOU JUST TOOK OVER THE LEAD! For the moment, you’re Queen of the Domain :>)
Still in the lead baby!
And what creature from the Planet Sensitive took over Spot’s mangy body?
Jenn, you echo my feelings right now too. Just know that you’re not alone, and in this time of festive frenzy, there are many, many of us feeling the same way you are! Be happy in the thought that your lovelies will appreciate whatever it is you do for them, no matter how pithy or insignificant it seems to you. I was having a bit of a stressed-out moment the other day when my son (8 yrs old) asked what was wrong. I told him that Mummy was just tired and worried about all of the things I had to get done before Christmas came. He looked at me and said: “Mom, even if we didn’t have presents and a tree, all that matters is that our family is together.” Needless to say, I burst into tears and hugged him hard. He’s right. All the bells, whistles, bows and lights do make things prettier and shinier, but what really matters is what’s in your heart and that the people close to you know that you care.
Merry Christmakah!
i’m voting as much as i’m allowed.
the sick thing about life is most people can’t appreciate the riches of their life until it’s gone, and the best part of life, in my opinion, are people. no doubt, money woes SUCK, but i’ve been obsessed with the james kim saga in oregon, that adorable family being stuck in the woods, and they seem pretty well off financially, but it’s cold comfort when people you love are not there to share it with you. you have a ton of people who adore you, whom you adore. not only are you talented, but you also have a gift for making other people feel comforted, so take that.
Some fabulous readers you have here, Jenn. We must invite them ALL to the Polka Palace one day … you can’t feel sad when you’re dancing a polka.
Still in the lead :>) From what I read here though … you’re already a winner no matter what the final votes may say.
Awww get out of my head! I am having a “bah humbug” season myself. No shopping done (no money), no tree yet (maybe this weekend), a billion things to do and go and see and wrap and wrangle and shop and and and…..and….I just don’t feel it. I don’t think it’s bad or wrong of me, that’s not what bothers me. I am just trusting that what is most important, what NEEDS to get done, will get done. Maybe not my way, maybe not the “right” way, but oh well. Thanks for your post. It resonated for me. If you can write about it, you are going to be okay. Merry Christmas.
Hey! That Rockstar Mommy person is having her fans vote from multiple computers! And they’re calling you a tramp!
I think it’s time for a smackdown.
Play nice in the sandbox, kiddies :>)
Hi Jenn!
I wanted to let you know I did indeed do a Photo Friday on my site with the “Christmas Card Photo Reject Theme” so come on over and link to the best of your worst!
Laura
Holy peanut butter smudges on my shirt! You are in the lead. Congratulations! Here’s hoping your piercing writing prevails.
Technically, I’m not “having” anyone vote from multiple computers. And I think I’ve seen a few people say the same thing here.
And one person said “tramp” in an obviously joking way. No worse than getting called an ugly Dennis Miller in the comments here, though.
It’s a little bizarre that people not even involved try to make something “fun” ugly.
I just discovered your blog through the voting!! Great blog and good luck!!!
His,
Mrs. U
http://www.makingahouseahome.blogspot.com
I am with you. Despite a couple of graduate degrees apiece, the husband and I only struggle. My mom-in-law kindly gave us a Christmas present that paid for our plumbing repairs, otherwise we might have let the house fall down around us.
One of the best gifts my parents ever gave me was teaching me that real success is about character, not money. The most important thing in life is to be brave and compassionate, not wealthy. It doesn’t make the struggle any easier, but it means we respect each other in the midst of it. That’s worth a lot.
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