I show Keith the Plumber my dripping shower faucet, gesturing elegantly with my left hand. I feel like a Price Is Right girl. Keith, this job could be yours, IF THE PRICE IS RIGHT.
Keith touches the water. “It’s hot,” he says. “That’s not good.”
“Of course it’s not good,” I say, cheerily. “I would think there was something wrong with you if you told me it was good! We’re on the same page! Isn’t December excellent?”
“I can’t work on that kind of faucet,” says Keith.
“Sure you can!” I say.
Keith gives me a peculiar look. “Nope, that fixture is about forty years old. I’m not insured to work on that. It’s not scald-proof.”
I mull this over. “I’m almost forty. I’m not scald-proof either. But my doctor works on me! Ha! Ha ha!”
If I am officially a loon, I’m really going for it.
Keith smiles weakly. I deflate slightly.
“It’s bad, right?” I say.
Keith nods.
“How bad?”
He takes a step back. “I’d have to install a new scald-proof fixture.”
“How bad?”
“Six.”
“Hundred? Thousand?”
“Hundred.”
“Oh,” says I. “Six hundred. That’s funny! That’s very, very funny! Why don’t you go look at the downstairs leak, and I’ll think about this.”
Keith goes downstairs with my friend, who knows where the leak is in the basement. I have not been introduced to the basement leak, as people in my life have been kind and have not wanted to create any more havoc in my overtaxed brain.
I hear all sorts of discussion through the floorboards when I head downstairs, doing my I’m massively medicated and someone just asked for $600 because I’m forty, no, because my faucet is forty! hip wiggle.
Keith and my somber-looking friend come upstairs. “Oh ho!” I say. “It’s bad, right? Also bad?”
Keith makes his official estimate on the scary pink plumber paper. Much addition and no subtraction. He hands me the yellow copy of the scary pink plumber paper.
$1258.
One thousand two hundred and fifty-eight dollars.
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! I think we will bathe in the sewer and simply wrap scarves around the pipes downstairs! And buckets! Isn’t this what buckets are for? For putting under leaky things?
*****
That was my thought process.
We sent Keith a-packing—pleasantly, of course, as I have a habit of being pleasant in the most unpleasant situations, such as childbirth, funerals and plumbing estimates. I am delightful under duress, charming in crisis. Until people leave. Then I freak and muffle my head under pillows.
I figured I had some time to think it over.
HO HO HO HO HO!
The shower faucet is raining water and will not stop. It’s gotten so bad during the past few days, I have to close the bathroom door to sleep, because the sound makes me nuts. A stream of hot-water dollars going down the drain. EX-CELL-ENT!
Gets better!
This morning, I put my hand on hot water knob in the shower AND IT WAS HOT. The tiled wall around the faucet? Also hot.
I called the plumbing folks again.
“It’s a great day here at Plumbing Paradise! How can we help you?” said a woman.
This sort of caught me off-guard.
“Is it really a great day there?” I asked.
Her voice changed completely. “I have no idea,” she said grimly.
“Well, this should cheer you up. I need Keith to come,” I said. “My faucet is HOT TO THE TOUCH. The wall is HOT TO THE TOUCH. Water is POURING OUT and I can’t stop it.”
“Hm. Tuesday the 23rd? Can’t do sooner. We’ve had some emergencies.”
“Um, I’m a little worried I’m having an emergency. Can you ask Keith? It seems VERY WRONG that things are getting hot.”
“I’ll tell Keith.”
“I just want to be sure the WALL DOESN’T EXPLODE AND RAIN SCALDING WATER AND BROKEN TILE ALL OVER MY BABIES.”
“I’ll tell him. The 23rd?”
“Christmas Eve-Eve. Unless Keith thinks this is an emergency. Which, you know. It could be. Did I mention I have babies? And dogs? And there’s me? And we brush our teeth in the bathroom? Ho ho ho?”
“Got it.”
*****
In the Berkshires, it’s ridiculous trying to get a contractor of any type to come quickly. Christmas Eve-Eve is not bad, IF WE DON’T ALL DIE BEFORE THEN. Check back, dearies.
Keith, the job is yours, EVEN THOUGH THE PRICE IS WRONG, AND IS SURELY GOING TO GET WORSE.
Merry plumbin’ Christmas. May all your faucets be merry and scald-proof, and younger than forty. And we thought forty was just a tough age for women. Ho ho ho ho!
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I desperately want to say something comforting and uplifting and clever right now, but I’m totally flabbergasted. This just isn’t fair.
That just plain sucks. And that is all there is to that.
I am so sorry.
I just wrote a blog about all the things that are breaking at our house, but I certainly don’t have the same price tag and you just got. It’s hard when things break and you have no choice but to fix them, even when you really can’t afford to.
I hope it all works out, and in a timely manner too.
If I had a spare $1258, it would be yours. I hope Keith arrives soon, and I’ll be praying for a Christmas plumbing miracle.
Ah yes – we have a frozen pipe and the renovations we agreed to have done this summer we so misquoted that they were a whopping $6,000 more then we had agreed to. I feel your pain & am still feeling the pain from the renovations.
You’re still looking for a new career, right? Have you considered plumbing? (I’m sure an online course is available) It seems to pay well.
So sorry my dear, so sorry.
This won’t do. Check your Facebook email.
I feel like I ought to suggest getting a second opinion, from a different plumber…preferably one who will actually come and take CARE of the problem inside of a week. But I have a feeling that, smart woman that you are, you’ve already considered that, and found it to be a) impossible since there are no other plumbers near you, b) too overwhelming, c) something you already did, d) all of the above.
The rest of the commenters are right, by the way. This plain sucks.
I so wish I could help this time, even a little bit. Can anyone help? Click on the tip jar up above? Even a little bit?
I’m no plumbing expert, but changing a showerhead or a faucet is pretty easy. I bet you could do it yourself. In the meantime, why don’t you shut the water off to the faucet until you need to use it?? There should be a shutoff valve for the shower only. Save a little $.
Sorry you are having such a tough time. Hang in there.
OMG! Speaking of things RAINING DOWN, you are SO getting rained on.
Okay, I just tip-jarred ONE WHOLE PERCENT of the plumbing cost. Perhaps 99 other people can do that and then I won’t feel so stupid for doing something so small.
I’ll put some in the tip jar!
Eh, my boyfriend lay in a shower of hot water to install our new kitchen faucet a couple of weeks ago when the shutoff under the sink didn’t work. I guess Keith can’t get scalded because he’s a professional.
Well, I will return on Friday (when I get paid) to add to the tip jar. It won’t be much, but I am sure that if all your readers were to put what they can in, we’ll get Keith paid!
Sending my love and hugs…
Amy
Lexington, KY
yes, tip! the tip jar! if 80% of jenn’s facebook friends donate $5 each she’ll have more than enough to pay the plumber.
the internets can help jenn do this!
xomox
I am so proud to be part of this group of BEAW suporters. I tipped BEAW this week, and then saw the awful plumbing news. I just scrolled down to encourage others to use the tip jar, and there are already 10+ tippers in there!
P.S. (Don’t read, Jenn…) I also left my email on The Mater’s blog because I wanted to send the girls a little something. The Mater gave me all the info. Go leave a comment w/your email on her blog
http://themater.blogspot.com/ if you want to do the same.
This what I call the holiday spirit of giving.
“It comes without ribbons. It comes without tags. It comes without packages, boxes or bags. May be Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more.” Dr. Seuss
I am honored to be witness to such kind, compassionate and giving souls. Internets? Let’s do this. Let’s roll.
Thank you, ALL of you. You know who you are…..
And Swistle? There is no such thing as a”stupid” expression of generosity. “No matter how small”
I shall now openly weep at my desk.
With SO MUCH respect. Wow…so much. (sniffs)
Cindi
I’m de-lurking to tip the jar. I don’t have a spare $1258, but I have a little spare, and I hope lots of other folks do, too.
Wishing you and your girls lots of light in this dark season.
Oh, I wish you lived here. The miracle of Christmas – I rang the plumber AND the electrician yesterday… and they BOTH came today and FIXED the problems. I wonder if they would travel?
Times like this it sucks to be a grownup, doesn’t it? Heading to the tip jar to offer the little I can. You’ve got a good network here, lady.
What we need to do is find Jenn a gig writing… a real stream of income… something where her hands can quiver in the calm of her own home…. Think people!
Where are all the smart publishers? The ones that like intelligent and quirky stuff? If I see one more Chicken Soup For The Whatever Soul book, I’m going to run screaming. We want new, we want fresh, we want Jenn!
There has to be a way to get her writing noticed by the right people. Someone tell me what it is and I’ll do it.
Ugh. That reminds me of when we called a plumber to fix a clogged bathtub in our 100 year old house… When he first got there he said it would be an easy job and would take 1/2 hour. The plumber kept coming into my office every couple of hours and sheepishly saying, “Lady, it’s worse than I thought.” He finally had to cut up the ceiling of the room under the bathroom and replace tons of the old plumbing. Bleh… To save money I repaired the &*#$&*# ceiling myself.
My faucet has been doing the same thing all month! I’m trying to pretend that it’s a good thing because it keeps the pipes from freezing but mostly I just lie there and listen to cash disappear down the drain. Now I’m really scared to call the plumber! And about the grocery store? It freaks me out too and I’m not suffering from any mental illness. . . yet.
I also think it’s rediculous that the faucet can be changed by anyone who is willing to put up with scalding water but the plumber, who is licensed to deal with water emergencies, is not legally allowed.
I wish you well in this situation and am cheering for you from not far away!
Lots of love from the middle of the county.
Jenn, when I told you about my recent situation, I hadn’t read this. I don’t even think this was up yet. Please don’t think I told you that to get out of tipping. I was just trying to make you feel not so alone.
That being said, when I can, I will definitely hit the tip jar!!! I wish my husband was a plumber so he could come fix it for free. Alas, he isn’t. I’ll keep thinking about ways to help.
i’m putting money in the tip jar, babe. right this very minute. we can do this, all of us, can’t we?
OMG. I totally know that feeling. Last year at this time my ceiling was raining on me. Literally. Oh wait, it was a little more into the winter because I now recall I was fearing that the actual roof was going to cave in from the snow load – onto my babies.
You will get through it. You will. Keith will come. I promise. I am using that beautiful law of attraction to will you a Keith or his mentor to save you. And they will come.
Yes, we can!
(Wait, where have I heard that before?)
We’re with you, Jenn.
Can you get another estimate? Maybe Joe the Plumber would be available?
(That was supposed to make you laugh – a little Christmas cheer!).
Rooting for you!
You’ve been on my mind and heart ever since I read this post. I so wish I had all the money you need to give to you, but I don’t. So I’m tipping what I can and praying that the rest will be provided. Hoping for a Christmas miracle…
I clicked…….. so hope it helps even a little bit.
I don’t have much but, have walked in your shoes.
Just keep loving those girls. I promise it WILL get better.
As my father is often fond of saying – “the only easy day is yesterday.”
$1,200 two days before Christmas? I know it may be unpleasant, but time to start sleeping with the plumber. Put a little Ho in your ho ho ho.
(Sorry to hear. That crap always happens at the WORST time. I wish you many worry-free days in 2009)…
I’m sorry things have been so hard for you lately. I donated to your plumbing fund–I know it’s not much but hopefully it will help combined with other tips you receive. I really hope things start getting less overwhelming for you….you deserve some peace. Merry Christmas and here’s to a deliriously happy new year!
A couple items:
1) Keith can’t work on the faucet because a house with kids needs to have an anit-scaled device, it’s not that he is afraid of the hot water.
2) As Jamie suggested, find the shutoff – either in the wall below the shower faucets or most likely in the basement. Not only to save hot water going down the drain, but if something does give you’ll want to know where that shutoff value is right away.
3) Is the water leaking from the shower head (can’t be turned off fully) or from the faucet handle? Take a picture of the faucet handle and bring it to Aubuchon Hardware or Greenburgs and ask if they have a washer set for the faucet.
4) Check to make sure there isn’t any water leaking behind the shower wall and running into the basement – very bad news if this is the case.
5) The wall is probably getting hot because of the unending stream of hot water that is flowing through the pipe. The wall in the only place for the pipe to dissipate the heat – as long as number 4 comes up negative you should be fine.
6) If it’s not fixed by post-xmas, post as such and I’ll contact you offline.
I too just donated to the tip jar — I don’t have $1200 to send you, but here’s hoping at least a little bit counts… take heart!
I had something similar happen in a terrible rental I was in and I was actually able to fix it myself with a bit of guidance from the guys at the hardware store. Like Anon mentioned, it was replacing the washer, though it took a special wrench to get the handle out of the wall. Maybe someone could help you with this?
If it’s not that simple, I wish I had the $1200 to just give you. I’m so happy to see everyone doing a little something for the tip jar, though. I just went over to do my part too. Hopefully the plumbing bill won’t be necessary and you can use the money for something a little less practical.
I think anon might have given you $1200 worth of a temporary solution.
I hit the tip jar too and I agree with Christine D who said: Where are all the smart publishers?
Wish I knew the answer. Just keep going, Jenn. Keep going.
Well, I hope the insanely slow processing over there at PayPal was the flood of donors sending you $$. OK, bad choice of words there.
Dear Jenn,
I have been reading you for a while now. I don’t believe I have commented here before, though (although, who knows, maybe I have, my brain is just mushy peas these days).
I just wanted to say that I hear you too, all the way in France. I’ve also added a little bit to the Tip Jar. Hope it helps.
Blessings, and joyeux Noël,
France
Ouch. Damn. It piles on. I hope anon’s advice helps. Now, off to find that elusive tip jar others speak of. And to keep hoping for the best for you.
Does it help you to know that others are in the same leaky boat? We just had to get a loan to pay our plumber and electrician. I never thought we’d have to do something like that.
Scary times. But we’ll sort it out and so will you. I hope that we’ll soon have extra for your tip jar, but I also hope that by then you won’t need it since you’ll be rolling in royalties.
Every magazine in the world would benefit from having your work inside.
Oh good lord, that sucks. But hopefully Anon is anon the money. (Sorry. Ahem.) Speaking of money, this totally in awe of your writing reader has just sent some euro love (conveniently converted into zee dollars) your way.
Best of luck, Happy Holidays and as the French say, ‘Bon courage!’
I just tipped what I could. Hang in there and keeping looking forward!
Am I just a moron or what (I know I am leaving the door wide open on that one!)? I CANNOT get PayPal to take any of my info. I update the amount at the top of the page but when I enter my first name, nothing appears. Grrrrr!!!! Do I have to join PayPal to give?
I have a tip jar question. If you hit the tip jar, and put in a credit card number, does 2 or 3% of it get taken from the total and go to the credit card company? If so, is it better to send a check?! Every 2 or 3% counts. But then I don’t really understand how a credit card exactly works in this situation. I don’t have much, but I’d like to help.
I, too, had the thought hit me today (ouch!) that you should be able to find the shutoff to your water. Only you shouldn’t have to shut off all your water, just find the valve to the water heater. Then turn the water heater off until the plumber comes. I’m a little puzzled about the plumber’s “scalding” fear, unless you have really weird plumbing. Wouldn’t he have to shut off the water supply to the water heater and empty it anyway? *scratches head*
Anyway, look around and see if you can figure out how to turn off the water so it’s not running. Not only are you losing money from the leak, but the water heater has to be running constantly to deal with the cold water coming in. At least turn off the WH and heat water in the microwave for spit baths or something.
Disregard if you’ve already thought of this.