’tis the season for the plumber
December 17th, 2008
I show Keith the Plumber my dripping shower faucet, gesturing elegantly with my left hand. I feel like a Price Is Right girl. Keith, this job could be yours, IF THE PRICE IS RIGHT.
Keith touches the water. “It’s hot,” he says. “That’s not good.”
“Of course it’s not good,” I say, cheerily. “I would think there was something wrong with you if you told me it was good! We’re on the same page! Isn’t December excellent?”
“I can’t work on that kind of faucet,” says Keith.
“Sure you can!” I say.
Keith gives me a peculiar look. “Nope, that fixture is about forty years old. I’m not insured to work on that. It’s not scald-proof.”
I mull this over. “I’m almost forty. I’m not scald-proof either. But my doctor works on me! Ha! Ha ha!”
If I am officially a loon, I’m really going for it.
Keith smiles weakly. I deflate slightly.
“It’s bad, right?” I say.
Keith nods.
“How bad?”
He takes a step back. “I’d have to install a new scald-proof fixture.”
“How bad?”
“Six.”
“Hundred? Thousand?”
“Hundred.”
“Oh,” says I. “Six hundred. That’s funny! That’s very, very funny! Why don’t you go look at the downstairs leak, and I’ll think about this.”
Keith goes downstairs with my friend, who knows where the leak is in the basement. I have not been introduced to the basement leak, as people in my life have been kind and have not wanted to create any more havoc in my overtaxed brain.
I hear all sorts of discussion through the floorboards when I head downstairs, doing my I’m massively medicated and someone just asked for $600 because I’m forty, no, because my faucet is forty! hip wiggle.
Keith and my somber-looking friend come upstairs. “Oh ho!” I say. “It’s bad, right? Also bad?”
Keith makes his official estimate on the scary pink plumber paper. Much addition and no subtraction. He hands me the yellow copy of the scary pink plumber paper.
$1258.
One thousand two hundred and fifty-eight dollars.
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! I think we will bathe in the sewer and simply wrap scarves around the pipes downstairs! And buckets! Isn’t this what buckets are for? For putting under leaky things?
*****
That was my thought process.
We sent Keith a-packing—pleasantly, of course, as I have a habit of being pleasant in the most unpleasant situations, such as childbirth, funerals and plumbing estimates. I am delightful under duress, charming in crisis. Until people leave. Then I freak and muffle my head under pillows.
I figured I had some time to think it over.
HO HO HO HO HO!
The shower faucet is raining water and will not stop. It’s gotten so bad during the past few days, I have to close the bathroom door to sleep, because the sound makes me nuts. A stream of hot-water dollars going down the drain. EX-CELL-ENT!
Gets better!
This morning, I put my hand on hot water knob in the shower AND IT WAS HOT. The tiled wall around the faucet? Also hot.
I called the plumbing folks again.
“It’s a great day here at Plumbing Paradise! How can we help you?” said a woman.
This sort of caught me off-guard.
“Is it really a great day there?” I asked.
Her voice changed completely. “I have no idea,” she said grimly.
“Well, this should cheer you up. I need Keith to come,” I said. “My faucet is HOT TO THE TOUCH. The wall is HOT TO THE TOUCH. Water is POURING OUT and I can’t stop it.”
“Hm. Tuesday the 23rd? Can’t do sooner. We’ve had some emergencies.”
“Um, I’m a little worried I’m having an emergency. Can you ask Keith? It seems VERY WRONG that things are getting hot.”
“I’ll tell Keith.”
“I just want to be sure the WALL DOESN’T EXPLODE AND RAIN SCALDING WATER AND BROKEN TILE ALL OVER MY BABIES.”
“I’ll tell him. The 23rd?”
“Christmas Eve-Eve. Unless Keith thinks this is an emergency. Which, you know. It could be. Did I mention I have babies? And dogs? And there’s me? And we brush our teeth in the bathroom? Ho ho ho?”
“Got it.”
*****
In the Berkshires, it’s ridiculous trying to get a contractor of any type to come quickly. Christmas Eve-Eve is not bad, IF WE DON’T ALL DIE BEFORE THEN. Check back, dearies.
Keith, the job is yours, EVEN THOUGH THE PRICE IS WRONG, AND IS SURELY GOING TO GET WORSE.
Merry plumbin’ Christmas. May all your faucets be merry and scald-proof, and younger than forty. And we thought forty was just a tough age for women. Ho ho ho ho!
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized, Boo! (Our happily haunted home), Not right now. (Money, or the lack thereof)
66 Comments Add your own
1. Stine | December 17th, 2008 at 11:46 am
I desperately want to say something comforting and uplifting and clever right now, but I’m totally flabbergasted. This just isn’t fair.
2. pamela from the dayton time | December 17th, 2008 at 11:50 am
That just plain sucks. And that is all there is to that.
3. riahli | December 17th, 2008 at 11:58 am
I am so sorry.
I just wrote a blog about all the things that are breaking at our house, but I certainly don’t have the same price tag and you just got. It’s hard when things break and you have no choice but to fix them, even when you really can’t afford to.
I hope it all works out, and in a timely manner too.
4. Nichole | December 17th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
If I had a spare $1258, it would be yours. I hope Keith arrives soon, and I’ll be praying for a Christmas plumbing miracle.
5. Marya | December 17th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Ah yes - we have a frozen pipe and the renovations we agreed to have done this summer we so misquoted that they were a whopping $6,000 more then we had agreed to. I feel your pain & am still feeling the pain from the renovations.
6. terry grant | December 17th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
You’re still looking for a new career, right? Have you considered plumbing? (I’m sure an online course is available) It seems to pay well.
7. Keyona | December 17th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
So sorry my dear, so sorry.
8. Di | December 17th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
This won’t do. Check your Facebook email.
9. TC | December 17th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
I feel like I ought to suggest getting a second opinion, from a different plumber…preferably one who will actually come and take CARE of the problem inside of a week. But I have a feeling that, smart woman that you are, you’ve already considered that, and found it to be a) impossible since there are no other plumbers near you, b) too overwhelming, c) something you already did, d) all of the above.
The rest of the commenters are right, by the way. This plain sucks.
10. jolyn | December 17th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
I so wish I could help this time, even a little bit. Can anyone help? Click on the tip jar up above? Even a little bit?
11. jaime | December 17th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I’m no plumbing expert, but changing a showerhead or a faucet is pretty easy. I bet you could do it yourself. In the meantime, why don’t you shut the water off to the faucet until you need to use it?? There should be a shutoff valve for the shower only. Save a little $.
Sorry you are having such a tough time. Hang in there.
12. Swistle | December 17th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
OMG! Speaking of things RAINING DOWN, you are SO getting rained on.
13. Swistle | December 17th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Okay, I just tip-jarred ONE WHOLE PERCENT of the plumbing cost. Perhaps 99 other people can do that and then I won’t feel so stupid for doing something so small.
14. All Adither | December 17th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I’ll put some in the tip jar!
15. Deanna | December 17th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Eh, my boyfriend lay in a shower of hot water to install our new kitchen faucet a couple of weeks ago when the shutoff under the sink didn’t work. I guess Keith can’t get scalded because he’s a professional.
16. Amy | December 17th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Well, I will return on Friday (when I get paid) to add to the tip jar. It won’t be much, but I am sure that if all your readers were to put what they can in, we’ll get Keith paid!
Sending my love and hugs…
Amy
Lexington, KY
17. moxiemomma | December 17th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
yes, tip! the tip jar! if 80% of jenn’s facebook friends donate $5 each she’ll have more than enough to pay the plumber.
the internets can help jenn do this!
xomox
18. Rachel B | December 17th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I am so proud to be part of this group of BEAW suporters. I tipped BEAW this week, and then saw the awful plumbing news. I just scrolled down to encourage others to use the tip jar, and there are already 10+ tippers in there!
P.S. (Don’t read, Jenn…) I also left my email on The Mater’s blog because I wanted to send the girls a little something. The Mater gave me all the info. Go leave a comment w/your email on her blog
http://themater.blogspot.com/ if you want to do the same.
This what I call the holiday spirit of giving.
19. cindi roo | December 17th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
“It comes without ribbons. It comes without tags. It comes without packages, boxes or bags. May be Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more.” Dr. Seuss
I am honored to be witness to such kind, compassionate and giving souls. Internets? Let’s do this. Let’s roll.
Thank you, ALL of you. You know who you are…..
And Swistle? There is no such thing as a”stupid” expression of generosity. “No matter how small”
I shall now openly weep at my desk.
With SO MUCH respect. Wow…so much. (sniffs)
Cindi
20. bridgett | December 17th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
I’m de-lurking to tip the jar. I don’t have a spare $1258, but I have a little spare, and I hope lots of other folks do, too.
Wishing you and your girls lots of light in this dark season.
21. Mrs F with 4 | December 17th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Oh, I wish you lived here. The miracle of Christmas - I rang the plumber AND the electrician yesterday… and they BOTH came today and FIXED the problems. I wonder if they would travel?
22. Rebekah | December 17th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Times like this it sucks to be a grownup, doesn’t it? Heading to the tip jar to offer the little I can. You’ve got a good network here, lady.
23. Shel | December 17th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
What we need to do is find Jenn a gig writing… a real stream of income… something where her hands can quiver in the calm of her own home…. Think people!
24. Christine D. | December 17th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Where are all the smart publishers? The ones that like intelligent and quirky stuff? If I see one more Chicken Soup For The Whatever Soul book, I’m going to run screaming. We want new, we want fresh, we want Jenn!
There has to be a way to get her writing noticed by the right people. Someone tell me what it is and I’ll do it.
25. Katya | December 17th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Ugh. That reminds me of when we called a plumber to fix a clogged bathtub in our 100 year old house… When he first got there he said it would be an easy job and would take 1/2 hour. The plumber kept coming into my office every couple of hours and sheepishly saying, “Lady, it’s worse than I thought.” He finally had to cut up the ceiling of the room under the bathroom and replace tons of the old plumbing. Bleh… To save money I repaired the &*#$&*# ceiling myself.
26. Mrs. Gregorton | December 17th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
My faucet has been doing the same thing all month! I’m trying to pretend that it’s a good thing because it keeps the pipes from freezing but mostly I just lie there and listen to cash disappear down the drain. Now I’m really scared to call the plumber! And about the grocery store? It freaks me out too and I’m not suffering from any mental illness. . . yet.
27. Pitts. Kate | December 17th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
I also think it’s rediculous that the faucet can be changed by anyone who is willing to put up with scalding water but the plumber, who is licensed to deal with water emergencies, is not legally allowed.
I wish you well in this situation and am cheering for you from not far away!
Lots of love from the middle of the county.
28. Meghan | December 17th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Jenn, when I told you about my recent situation, I hadn’t read this. I don’t even think this was up yet. Please don’t think I told you that to get out of tipping. I was just trying to make you feel not so alone.
That being said, when I can, I will definitely hit the tip jar!!! I wish my husband was a plumber so he could come fix it for free. Alas, he isn’t. I’ll keep thinking about ways to help.
29. slouching mom | December 17th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
i’m putting money in the tip jar, babe. right this very minute. we can do this, all of us, can’t we?
30. Michelle | December 17th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
OMG. I totally know that feeling. Last year at this time my ceiling was raining on me. Literally. Oh wait, it was a little more into the winter because I now recall I was fearing that the actual roof was going to cave in from the snow load - onto my babies.
You will get through it. You will. Keith will come. I promise. I am using that beautiful law of attraction to will you a Keith or his mentor to save you. And they will come.
31. Robin | December 17th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Yes, we can!
(Wait, where have I heard that before?)
We’re with you, Jenn.
32. bellevelma | December 18th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Can you get another estimate? Maybe Joe the Plumber would be available?
(That was supposed to make you laugh - a little Christmas cheer!).
Rooting for you!
33. Amy | December 18th, 2008 at 8:59 am
You’ve been on my mind and heart ever since I read this post. I so wish I had all the money you need to give to you, but I don’t. So I’m tipping what I can and praying that the rest will be provided. Hoping for a Christmas miracle…
34. Kathy | December 18th, 2008 at 9:10 am
I clicked…….. so hope it helps even a little bit.
I don’t have much but, have walked in your shoes.
Just keep loving those girls. I promise it WILL get better.
35. Kelli | December 18th, 2008 at 10:00 am
As my father is often fond of saying - “the only easy day is yesterday.”
36. mrs. q. | December 18th, 2008 at 10:45 am
$1,200 two days before Christmas? I know it may be unpleasant, but time to start sleeping with the plumber. Put a little Ho in your ho ho ho.
(Sorry to hear. That crap always happens at the WORST time. I wish you many worry-free days in 2009)…
37. Kelley | December 18th, 2008 at 11:27 am
I’m sorry things have been so hard for you lately. I donated to your plumbing fund–I know it’s not much but hopefully it will help combined with other tips you receive. I really hope things start getting less overwhelming for you….you deserve some peace. Merry Christmas and here’s to a deliriously happy new year!
38. anon | December 18th, 2008 at 11:54 am
A couple items:
1) Keith can’t work on the faucet because a house with kids needs to have an anit-scaled device, it’s not that he is afraid of the hot water.
2) As Jamie suggested, find the shutoff - either in the wall below the shower faucets or most likely in the basement. Not only to save hot water going down the drain, but if something does give you’ll want to know where that shutoff value is right away.
3) Is the water leaking from the shower head (can’t be turned off fully) or from the faucet handle? Take a picture of the faucet handle and bring it to Aubuchon Hardware or Greenburgs and ask if they have a washer set for the faucet.
4) Check to make sure there isn’t any water leaking behind the shower wall and running into the basement - very bad news if this is the case.
5) The wall is probably getting hot because of the unending stream of hot water that is flowing through the pipe. The wall in the only place for the pipe to dissipate the heat - as long as number 4 comes up negative you should be fine.
6) If it’s not fixed by post-xmas, post as such and I’ll contact you offline.
39. Another Jen | December 18th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I too just donated to the tip jar — I don’t have $1200 to send you, but here’s hoping at least a little bit counts… take heart!
40. bec | December 18th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
I had something similar happen in a terrible rental I was in and I was actually able to fix it myself with a bit of guidance from the guys at the hardware store. Like Anon mentioned, it was replacing the washer, though it took a special wrench to get the handle out of the wall. Maybe someone could help you with this?
If it’s not that simple, I wish I had the $1200 to just give you. I’m so happy to see everyone doing a little something for the tip jar, though. I just went over to do my part too. Hopefully the plumbing bill won’t be necessary and you can use the money for something a little less practical.
41. Spring @ Forever Spring | December 18th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
I think anon might have given you $1200 worth of a temporary solution.
I hit the tip jar too and I agree with Christine D who said: Where are all the smart publishers?
Wish I knew the answer. Just keep going, Jenn. Keep going.
42. Beth | December 19th, 2008 at 12:58 am
Well, I hope the insanely slow processing over there at PayPal was the flood of donors sending you $$. OK, bad choice of words there.
43. France | December 19th, 2008 at 5:30 am
Dear Jenn,
I have been reading you for a while now. I don’t believe I have commented here before, though (although, who knows, maybe I have, my brain is just mushy peas these days).
I just wanted to say that I hear you too, all the way in France. I’ve also added a little bit to the Tip Jar. Hope it helps.
Blessings, and joyeux Noël,
France
44. patois | December 19th, 2008 at 9:17 am
Ouch. Damn. It piles on. I hope anon’s advice helps. Now, off to find that elusive tip jar others speak of. And to keep hoping for the best for you.
45. Kip | December 19th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Does it help you to know that others are in the same leaky boat? We just had to get a loan to pay our plumber and electrician. I never thought we’d have to do something like that.
Scary times. But we’ll sort it out and so will you. I hope that we’ll soon have extra for your tip jar, but I also hope that by then you won’t need it since you’ll be rolling in royalties.
Every magazine in the world would benefit from having your work inside.
46. Penelopeinparis | December 19th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Oh good lord, that sucks. But hopefully Anon is anon the money. (Sorry. Ahem.) Speaking of money, this totally in awe of your writing reader has just sent some euro love (conveniently converted into zee dollars) your way.
Best of luck, Happy Holidays and as the French say, ‘Bon courage!’
47. Jill | December 19th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I just tipped what I could. Hang in there and keeping looking forward!
48. Amt | December 19th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Am I just a moron or what (I know I am leaving the door wide open on that one!)? I CANNOT get PayPal to take any of my info. I update the amount at the top of the page but when I enter my first name, nothing appears. Grrrrr!!!! Do I have to join PayPal to give?
49. Nancy | December 19th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
I have a tip jar question. If you hit the tip jar, and put in a credit card number, does 2 or 3% of it get taken from the total and go to the credit card company? If so, is it better to send a check?! Every 2 or 3% counts. But then I don’t really understand how a credit card exactly works in this situation. I don’t have much, but I’d like to help.
50. Lisa | December 19th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
I, too, had the thought hit me today (ouch!) that you should be able to find the shutoff to your water. Only you shouldn’t have to shut off all your water, just find the valve to the water heater. Then turn the water heater off until the plumber comes. I’m a little puzzled about the plumber’s “scalding” fear, unless you have really weird plumbing. Wouldn’t he have to shut off the water supply to the water heater and empty it anyway? *scratches head*
Anyway, look around and see if you can figure out how to turn off the water so it’s not running. Not only are you losing money from the leak, but the water heater has to be running constantly to deal with the cold water coming in. At least turn off the WH and heat water in the microwave for spit baths or something.
Disregard if you’ve already thought of this.
51. Jenn | December 19th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
You are wonderful people. You just plain knock me out with your words and kindness, over and over again. Bless you.
52. Rebecca | December 19th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Plumbing issues, not fun! I hit the tip jar finally….been meanin’ to for a while! Your writing has been profoundly moving to me and I think of you often. Sending lots of love to you & your girls from this mom & her girls……
53. Meghan | December 20th, 2008 at 1:22 am
I think the thing is that the plumber can’t work on it if it doesn’t have a protection on it to prevent scalding because she has kids. He’s not afraid of being scalded. He isn’t insured to work on something that’s not scald proof, because if the kids got hurt, he could be lible. That’s all. Of course he’s going to shut off the water to work on it. At least I hope so
It is so heartwarming to see all the love here. Jenn, you deserve it!
54. anon | December 20th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Careful, DO NOT shut off the water TO the water heater. Depending on the type of heat you have, you’ll freeze yourself out of the house. You just need to shut off the hot water supply line to the shower. In some old houses there is only one shut off for all supply lines going to the same area of the house. It should be fairly easy to find by following the pipes either from the bathroom back to the water heater or the other way around. It will probably be the hottest pipe in the cellar.
As long as the water is either continually running from the shower head or is leaking out of the area that hot water handle is going into, it is most likely just a washer problem. If you can find a washer set for an old faucet, its an easy fix. The problem is usually finding the correct size washer or its a washerless faucet (like Delta) and then the whole faucet unit needs to be replaced. But stll, as long as there isn’t a leaking pipe or pipe joint, the worst case is you have to go into the cellar to turn the hot water on to take a shower and fix it when time and money allow.
55. Kate | December 20th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
It is my sincerest wish that the advice in these comments will allow you to take care of the plumbing problems without spending from the tip jar much at all.
This post appears to have inspired a lot of people to show their support for you, myself included. Your network of well-wishers may be larger than you know. Please never be reluctant to lean on us, even if we do exist only in the invisible far reaches of the anonymous Internet.
You know, Jenn, a while back, I was in my kitchen - a year ago? More? - trying to figure out how to safely mail you two trays of Jennie-O Turkey Bacon. I had a 2-for-1 coupon and your blog was on my mind. I couldn’t figure out how to do it. I tried everything. I thought about foil and dry ice and weather and packing snow from Chicago in a cooler. I thought about shipping it from a flower shop where a friend works because they ship perishables all the time. No dice. I remember feeling deeply frustrated at my inability to share the wealth. And I’m obviously not the only reader here who feels that pull to help lighten your load ever so slightly.
Thank you for providing us with a venue for pitching in. It would be so much harder for me to send you frozen turkey bacon packed in dry ice with the intention of you selling it for money with which to pay Keith. But if that’s what it took, I might’ve made sure it was done right this time.
56. m | December 20th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
My words never come out right, so — I hope my little bit helps relieve a little bit of the stress.
57. amanda | December 21st, 2008 at 10:10 am
I wonder who it that has the job of making sure that we all stay just south of making it financially, because based on how many times we seem to nip at the border, something, someone, some pipe always swoops in and keeps us from crossing.
58. Musing | December 21st, 2008 at 11:17 am
Oh, my. Not the kind of news you want to get!
59. Sunday Linky Love&hellip | December 22nd, 2008 at 12:25 am
[…] They’re having a little plumbing issue [which is a total understatement] over at the Breed ‘Em and Weep household. […]
60. Nicole | December 22nd, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Delurking to let you know that one more person is out there caring for you. I donated to the tip jar - not much, but I know that every bit counts.
Wishing you and yours love and comfort,
Nicole
61. Laura Bursch | December 22nd, 2008 at 3:49 pm
You won’t believe it but Friday night OUR sinks backed up and not five minutes later as I ran around cussing and thinking of you being in the same situation my washing machine started making this horrible noise so I go and check it out the washer is BROKEN! I just couldn’t believe it. So I KNOW how you feel, but for me it worked out. My partner got a plumber who came Saturday and washing machine got here on Sunday! So I want to help you by donating to your TIP JAR. I’m also in the same boat , seems like a sinking boat right now, with Depression or whatever it is they will call it still trying to figure it all out with a Shrink at this point. So I feel for you and I cry with you! Hang in there you aren’t alone!
62. Paige | December 22nd, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Good grief, Jenn. I’m so sorry this is happening. Your ability to keep your wit (and wits?) about it is remarkable. I’ve put a bit in the tip jar, too. Hang in there.
63. Swistle | December 23rd, 2008 at 1:20 pm
That comment about the turkey bacon was SO TOUCHING. That’s just the way I feel.
64. Lisa | December 24th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Tip jar finally, as with others, been meaning to for a while. Your writing lifts me up, even when you’re down. Merry Christmas to all.
65. amysue | December 25th, 2008 at 1:20 am
It’s midnight, Christmas morning and my first gift (small, like all the rest!) goes to you. Thanks for your amazing talents and for being so generous with them. Like someone said above, here’s to a brave New Year!
66. Johschmoh | January 2nd, 2009 at 3:03 am
Whew! Sorry I’m late… my invitation to the party got lost on the mail. All the snow out here on the Left Coast, and all that. Anyway, got dressed, went a few miles over the speed limit, and here I am — made it to The Tip Jar.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
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