1. Have I cleaned long enough? Oh. Is that mouse poop?
2. Smell it. It could be dog poop. Someone could have tracked in dog poop—
3. Don’t smell it! Just throw it out. It’s 2009. Live like you’re luxe.
4. It might be chocolate crumbs from Lisa’s amazing pretzel-stick thingie…
5. For God’s sake, it’s just mouse poop.
6. OF COURSE I’M GOING TO THROW IT OUT. WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? A BARBARIAN?
7. Oh, there’s that shirt. His. It’s ripped, but…
8. Get rid of it.
9. It was from our first date. Keeping it.
10. Didn’t cry after the phone call. That’s something.
11. You had to lie down with the pebbles…
12. I PICKED UP THE PHONE AND ORDERED A PIZZA FROM DOMINOS! ALL BY MYSELF!
13. I miss the girls. Three more days.
14. Why am I watching football?
15. Why are they talking about penetration?
16. It’s better than an empty house tonight. Just eat your pizza and stop asking why why why all the time. Life would be so easy if you stopped asking why.
17. I need a ref. A life ref, who can make nice calls, once and for all. Decisive, and ruggedly cute in a pert striped shirt.
18. He can stand at the top of the stairs and blow his whistle whenever anyone misbehaves. I like it.
19. Oh my God, Jett Travolta died. That’s terrible.
20. Don’t think mean thoughts about Scientology. Just. Don’t.
21. Yes, C-span is better. It’s ‘White House Week’ and Dubya is saying he ‘never needs to particularly reflect in a particular place in the White House’ but sometimes he likes ‘using the pool’ and ‘playing with Barney.’
22. Wait, whoa, they think Lincoln’s son died in that bedroom? Whoa. WHERE IS THE WHITE HOUSE PSYCHIC??
23. Why are you Googling ‘WILLIE LINCOLN DIED’? Eat your pizza! You can have as much as you want!
24. Shh. Oh, that’s sad. That’s really sad. First, Jett Travolta. Then, Willie Lincoln. I mean, the other way around.
25. Note to self: Get Direct TV, stat. Broadcast networks are no good for you.
26. I need to dig my car out.
27. I need to pay real estate tax.
28. I need to figure out who the female ghost in the hallway is.
29. I need to go back to the ob/gyn because my insides are obviously disintegrating AGAIN.
30. Am I happy? Am I sad? Is my mind racing? Am I manic?
31. You drank 32 ounces of Ovaltine yesterday for dinner. That could be manic.
32. Yes, but I kept my clothes on, so.
33. New Year’s Eve, Day and Day After were actually nice. How about that?
34. Maybe you could be a hospital chaplain.
35. You might have to believe in Jesus Christ as LORD to do that, not just Jesus Christ as Righteously Awesome Dude Who Was Nice to Kids and Lepers.
36. It’s getting hard to live in this house. Too many memories eating away at me.
37. You have to find a career to get out of the house.
38. Not to mention a car lease.
39. Wait, is leasing a smart idea?
40. Hey, no one expects you to make great decisions anymore! Awesome! You could lease a Hummer and everyone would be cool.
41. I kind of like the Kia Rondo. If I were a middle-class human being with a good job, I might get a Rondo.
42. Oh my dear God, look at you: pizza, football, and car talk.
43. I hope I made the right decision. Not on that, but on the other thing.
44. In the moment it was right, and that’s all you can hope for.
45. I could have drunk a bottle of wine tonight, but I didn’t touch a drop. Someone at Kia should give me a Rondo for that. I am a COMPLIANT PATIENT even though my meds look like a cocktail of meds for a large zoo animal.
46. I hate how I shake. I hate what it’s doing to my stomach. I hate that I still see faces. The ghouls.
47. Remember that she sees faces too, and she’s not, you know, like you.
48. Maybe that thing is a really good idea. Maybe Breed ‘Em and Weep readers would totally go for it.
49. Yes, I think they would.
50. I love Hank Johnson from Georgia, and not just because I’ve been to Decatur. He makes the U.S. House of Reps seem rockin’ smart and fun! How do I get a job there?
51. I didn’t drink enough water. Oof. Dizzy. Bad.
52. Go drink now. Stop Scrabbling on Facebook.
53. I CLEANED. I LET THE DOGS OUT AND GOT NINA TO COME OUT FROM UNDER THE PORCH WHERE THE SKUNKS LIVE. AND NO ONE SMELLED WORSE THAN USUAL AFTERWARDS.
54. You need to drink more water. Now.
55. I’m lonely. But people are scary.
56. I know.
57. I must drive everyone frickin’ crazy. I mean, seriously.
58. Well…yes. You do. But they love you. They just don’t know…
59. I know, I know. They don’t know when and how to help. I am impossible.
60. You find it hard to amass an army of people who let you drool in front of them. That’s understandable.
61. Yes, thank you!
62. Go get some water. I’ll wait. I mean, I’ll go with you.
63. My heart may never heal.
64. Water. Now.
65. Okay.
66. Done.
67. I know. Good job.
68. I had to try. That other other thing. Humiliating. But.
69. Of course you did. Now you know.
70. And I had to speak REALLY candidly the other night. I mean, like, CRAZY CANDID. Like, DUDE, I’M ON CRAZY CANDID CAMERA.
71. And?
72. And…no one died. It was okay. Maybe it was necessary.
73. Still no email from…
74. Noooo.
75. How about email from—
76. Nope.
77. You’re doing fine. You’re getting better.
78. I don’t feel fine yet. But the Scrabble has helped with the brain fog. I’m sure of it.
79. What if I’m never fine? What if life never feels really good again?
80. You’re a good mama.
81. That feels good.
82. Go to bed.
83. Just checking email.
84. BED. BED. BED.
85. I made necklaces for the girls in Silver Clay class. They’re hanging there. I’m going to give them to them when they get home!
86. BEEEEEEEED. SLEEEEEEEEP.
87. Okay. But 87 is kind of a weird number to end on.
88. Make it 89. It’s just weird enough, like you.
89. Goodnight.
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