My gift to myself is not a Zhu Zhu hamster, as coveted as those little suckers may be this season. My gift to myself is to find a way to stop dragging the stinking corpse of my old self behind me in the snow. We are leaving quite a trail, she and I, and a crowd is beginning to gather with their Nikon Coolpix. Ashton Kutcher’s speed-dialing Demi Moore, saying, “Baby, you gotta see this hot mess.” No good.
Step One: Revamped blog
.
I’ve been taking an informal poll. I tend to agree with the folks to say that Breed ‘Em and Weep is the Best Blog Name of All Damn Time, and I shouldn’t change it. My corpse in the snow? She says nothing, poor dear, although she is secretly pissed off that someone else stole the blog name and tacked on a little something extra to make it hers.
You, Lady A! You can do better for yourself. You have it in you! You are unique and lovely! Go, tiger lily! Get a better freakin’ name for yourself! I believe in you.
Anyhow, back to me, my longtime labor of love, and my decision. This is the original, circa May 2005, authentic, wackdoodle, hardscrabble, “oh my freaking LORD did she just SAY that?” Breed ‘Em and Weep, and I’ve decided that—for now—it’s not going anywhere. Decided. Done.
However, it is getting a superfierce makeover for the New Year. And as drag queens and bloggers around the world know, before the superfierce, must come the superawkward. And my poor old corpse self, she’s silently horrified that you are going to see all of the superawkward mistakes as I attempt to put together a superfierce superedgy superburlesque supermazeltov new-old blog. CASE IN POINT: MISSING GORGEOUS HEADER. Yeah, yeah. Getting around to that. It’s going to knock your panties off. Make sure you’re in the right company when that happens.
Step Two of this 2010 process: I have to let go of who I wanted to be at almost 40. Don’t worry, we’ll make the old Jenn a nice burial spot in a perpetual Winter Wonderland. You, my truly beloved, unbelievably loyal readers (so loyal and good, I can’t think of you without finding my hand has inched up over my heart), you can help me with this. Because if I don’t let her go, I’m not going to be able to live out the rest of this life of mine. She and I, we still share the same essence. But I have to let go of all that she wished for or we’re both going down.
It sounds scary, because, frankly, it is a little scary. I’m scared. So I’m pulling out my bulletproof tutu and ordering some fishnet stockings online. And researching the most intimidating tattoo parlors in the area. Because I’m going to meet the second half of my life head-on. I have to.
Step Three? I have some creative ideas I’m going to try out here. I have a BOX. (Si, behaaaave.) See Black Box, to the right? I am going to say hi from time to time, tell you some stories, show you some things. Let me know what you think about what happens in The Box. I will be operating inside The Box in order to put together something that may be very, very outside The Box. If that happens, dear ones, you can bet you will be the first to know.
Old Jenn is still, quiet, in a snowbank. Facedown. Some kids are poking her with a stick. That’s all right. It’s not really disrespectful—they’re just poking to understand. Isn’t that what all of us are doing, really?
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
Oooh, I’m waiting with baited breath for The Box.
And for your old self? I love her, but she can hang out with my old self…who I’ve decided can lay face down in the snow next to your old self and be poked with sticks by those curious kids. My new self looks forward to grabbing and holding onto your hand as we make our way forward, on this new path. Let’s see what’s out there shall we? I think we’re gonna have us some adventures….
love the box! love you!
I look forward to meeting your new self. This here is my new self that came about a couple of years ago. The old selves, they are just fine once you leave them behind.
(Can’t wait to check out the box. Must wait for boss to leave for meeting first.)
It’s so fun to see you as a living, talking, winking, kiss-blowing person! I will certainly be staying tuned.
oh i love new stuff! this is so exciting and feels right! and i think the black box is a brilliant addition
To living.
Out of the snow.
Szuperjo, Jennike! I’m looking forward to the adventures of your new self! x x x
LOVE the box – because it is so wonderful to see you and hear your voice. It has been FAR TOO LONG! And some of old jenn is still there, not all dead facedown in the snow. I know because I just saw her.
I found some old pictures this morning, including 80′s hair Jenn. Want those for the box?
Oh my, you are CHARMING. I mean, I always knew you were charming and quirky and unique through your writing, but to see a living, talking Jenn…well, it’s charming.
Congratulations and best of luck on embracing the New.
You’re truly the bomb. Can’t wait to see what you have in store (I bet you can’t wait either!)
Can’t wait! I don’t care what you write–I wanna read it. Not a big commenter, but a very faithful reader. Eagerly awaiting the changes afoot!
That’s pretty scary.
First, she’s prescient enough to know that I’m wearing panties today, and then comes along with the pre-emptive warning against my making double-entendre jokes about her new BOX. (Mind you, that one’s not much of a leap.)
Berkshire bodies in snow banks are sure awesome, though. Makes the spring SO much more exciting!
Go, Go, Go!
This is very intriguing.
I think maybe an actual funeral is in order. For one thing, there’s always really good egg salad at funerals. You could be all the people who stand up and say a few words about poor, died-young Jenn. You could send yourself a condolence card, and flowers.
Love the box.
Loyal reader for many years, once in a blue moon commenter, fan of the box. So lovely to finally see you animated form.
I absolutely love you. Your writing is making me so happy today. I’m going to find my own bulletproof tutu and face my problems head on today as well.
I love the new header; it’s full of energy and life, girl on a swing! (And I took the picture … )
Good luck with all your plans! Love, Mom
hi sis! love new design! LOOOOOOOOOOVE the box! and of course i love yoooooooouuuuuuuuuu! (all versions, even corpsy!)
xoxoxol
While watching the box film with my daughters, we arrived at the part where you said, “What the f…” They both, in their darling 7- and 5-year-old innocence, chimed “FREAK!”
I seem to have done SOMETHING right after all.
Love you, sweet Jenn.
You have an amazing and beautiful smile. (first time I’ve seen you kind of live) You are very cute. I enjoy your blog very much. Good luck with the revamping of the website. So far so good.
Wheeeee!
I’m ready for the ride.
As a crazy 40ish Mom going back to school NOW to get an MFA in Acting, I’m resonating with the whole dead previous self thing. You are adorable.
Loving it.
Love it. Blog, box, and your smile
Damn, I sure could use a box. Brilliant!
Boxes are fun, as any three year old can tell you! I’m ready to tune in and enjoy the Adventures of New Jenn.
So far I love the changes! You will do fine.
Yippee a new BOX post! Yay! Is this going to be a daily thing? That would make me soooooo happy.
I want to come up to your house and help you de-clutter! I don’t know if that is judgy to say that, and it’s not like I hate your bathroom, it’s just that I know that I feel much better mentally with bare space.
My second favorite blog (yours is the first by far) is Unclutterer.com. Recently there was a question and answer post from someone just getting started with the de-cluttering process, it is here: http://unclutterer.com/2009/12/11/ask-unclutterer-drowning-in-clutter/
I hope my fellow commentors (commenters?) don’t hate me for writing this! I’m nervous now.
Jenn, you rule! Love the box. Love to see YOU. And, there are probably a lot more bathrooms like that than you can imagine. Just do what you can do. I can’t wait for the new blog and hope the new you brings you some peace.
*climbs in box with you*
I like the box. ^_^
I’m liking the new look of the blog, too.
And I look forward to the “Adventures of New Jenn” (as Pogonip put it).
xo,
K
If you buy or get a tripod, the Box videos will look better. You’re fine, but the jiggling camera is hard to watch.
Ooohoohhhh (clapping wildly)
LOVE THE BOX ! Love YOU !
And when you figure out how to deal with Mount Laundry, please share your tips. You may need to send up a flare to locate me though……I’m kind of buried at the moment, in my snowbank of dirty bedding piled in the corner of MY bathroom. Another two feet expected overnight due to extreme flu symptoms. Help. Me.
Rachel: Totally. My jiggling breasts need a tripod too.
Yay for the box! You are so brave and doggone it smart to find your very own box and let us in! Whooohoo
Can’t wait for the whatever comes next. This next statement is a wee selfish but: everytime I read anything you write, I feel stronger. Not badass, y’know, just quietly more in my life. So thank you for that, very much.
I so dig the box!
oh! hello bathroom!
LOVE your orangeness today
I don’t come around for a while and holy Moses, see what I miss? Big, big doins! I like it. I like what this change signifies for you, too. I’m so happy to see you moving onward and decidedly upward. All best to you!