Because she says it better than I can.
Yes. YES.
She says it better than I can
Previous post: Not there yet
Next post: She says it better than I can: Part Two
-
Pages
".$about_title."
\n"; echo "".$about_text; if ($more_url != "") echo " ".$more_url; echo "
\n"; } } ?>
Get smart with the Thesis WordPress Theme from DIYthemes.
Bad Behavior has blocked 1251 access attempts in the last 7 days.
{ 3 trackbacks }
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow. That was an amazing, eye-opening read. Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you, for reminding me to be grateful for my life, and to stop sniveling and shut up and suck it up already.
Wow. So touching & gives perspective, a beautiful, much-needed 2×4 against the head. Thank you.
I linked to you and it on my blog .
Bracing.
I think you just say it in a different, more lyrical way. Please keep sharing.
I’m torn about this article – and about leaving a comment here about it. I’ve deleted a couple of them already. I’m torn between feeling that this woman’s situation was not bad enough for her to do what she did – based on the information she provides, she had a vehicle, food in the pantry and a job at the time, and I feel that by going to a soup kitchen she was potentially taking food from people who did not have those things – and deep empathy for her 9-year-old daughter, whose shoes I grew up in. As one of the commenters on Heather’s piece advised, soup kitchens are not always safe places, especially for women and children, and I would hope that someone contemplating exposing their children to a potentially unsafe environment would reach out to friends and family before doing so. I currently work two jobs, have no vehicle and live mainly on rice and beans – literally – but it is filling and nutritious and I would be very willing to share what I have with a friend in need. I realize that it is incredibly hard to ask those around us for help – and my mother was often too proud to do so – but I would feel black-burning shame if I discovered that a friend (or even a neighbor) had been struggling in silence.
It’s a really tough time to stand, but it beats sitting or laying down. I feel this article very close to home, having a Masters and hoping that I can feed my children anyway.
Thank you.
Well said and a little hard to read, if I’m being honest. As a mother I can only imagine how hard that was for her. I’ve not faced this particular situation, but I can feel how scary it must be. I went to UO and lived in Eugene and I know the Dining Room the author writes of. That it happened in my (former) town makes it very, very real. And scary.
Stay strong and keep writing. We all need to hear the words.
Funny. I actually thought of you when I read this yesterday.
I love that this essay sparks conversation about semi-hidden poverty. It’s always true that someone’s going to be worse off — on paper, at least. But my hunch is she wouldn’t have taken her family there if she hadn’t truly felt she’d exhausted every other option for that month. I think her essay was beautifully straightforward, and anything but self-indulgent.
I can say I have leaned heavily on friends, families and the kindness of strangers, and continue to do so right now. And yet I feel a week away from a soup kitchen meal, all the time, and my bank statement reflects that. The shame that accompanies having so little material wealth, in spite of so many other blessings (like outrageously wonderful, loyal, generous, compassionate, smart blog readers, for one), is profound.
Not to mention I feel like I’m either saying too much about my financial anxiety, or saying too little. I can’t find an in-between. It’s a very fine line between humility and humiliation. I’m deeply grateful whenever I find folks willing to talk about that unnerving, disturbing gray area.
Moving.
And to anyone who seriously feels that she was out of bounds for taking her children for a meal…..the soup kitchens, shelters, and food banks are not for ‘the lowest of the low’, the ‘poor’, the ‘homeless’. They are for ALL OF US, because ANY OF US could be low, poor, or homeless, in a blink of an eye. None of us are ‘too good’. Bless her for feeding her children, and not letting them go hungry.
I think the author explained that she had to calculate how the month was going to play out and that if she didn’t go to the soup kitchen, she’d be caught at the end of the month without food. I think she was very brave and I feel for her.
Jenn, I wish there were something we can all do! Oh wait! THERE IS!
Everyone, if we all just paid even $10.00 it would add up quickly and she could get a break from all this worry. I think $10.00-$15.00 is a small price to pay for all that she gives us with this blog. Come on everyone! If only 500 of us gave 10 bucks then she’d have 5 grand. Don’t think someone else will do it. You do it. Let’s come together. Let’s make sure Jenn doesn’t have to go to a soup kitchen.
I am walking in your shoes right now. I read your blog from work because I don’t have internet or cable at home. I struggle every month to figure out how much we can get by on. And we eat beans about once a week because they come with WIC and without them, there are days we would go hungry. I thank God every day that we qualify for WIC, even though we don’t qualify for Food Stamps. It puts milk in my babies’ bellies and food on their plates. I feel your pain and trust me, if I had the money I really would donate it to you. I just have to feed my babies first. My mom actually gives us money for groceries so we will have enough to do all month. I love her so much for that.
Interesting article. We have very, very little money wise right now and live on a beautiful, yet horribly expensive, island. We kind of put the word out that if anyone had extra in their garden, and *bam*, we have had a lot of fresh veggies just dropped at the door. I think it is so hard to ask for help, sometimes I hate the way my problems sound “Oh boohoo, we live on Vancouver Island and the rent is so expensive and we will never be able to buy a house and my grocery bill just keeps getting bigger and bigger even though I am not getting any more food for it…” But, hey, it is boohoo, MY boohoo. We have a little debt but + no asets + living month to month, it is a scary thing. Relying on others’ good will is what we can do and giving back in ways we CAN makes it even-steven. “Thanks for the stuff from your garden, I will take your kid for a couple hours tomorrow so you can rest”. I have been trying this summer to figure out how we are going to do this thing called life. We may have to move to somewhere where the pay is better and cost of living is less. Ugh, now the worry is upon me. But these posts, these comments good stuff. Another mom and I were talking at the park the other day and I opened up a bit and she lost it, telling me that they were up to their eyeballs in debt. We talked about what we do to save money, what we want to be able to do in the future, and how we could help eachother out, and boy, did it feel better to have someone to talk too. Good luck everyone.
Thank you Meghan for reminding me that I can help. A little kindness goes a long way when you’re down on your luck. If this happens not to be the time where you’re the one down, share a little of what you have.
THANK YOU for sharing this and making me aware of how grateful I should be–and am, until I forget to be. and it’s so easy to forget, we keep thinking everything’s a sure thing. that could be me too, going to the south american version of your soup kitchen (far worse here, I could bet on that) and thank God for my dad, who has been there for me and my daughter. And then I forget and catch myself buying vogue (!!!) or a new purse, when I should be saving. So thank you for keeping me in line with being grateful and sharing.
and you could take what is offered, no shame in that. you do provide entertainment that would otherwise be paid for–so this would be a good time to highlight your donations box.
I’m glad you posted this.
I was there. Twelve years ago, divorced and the sole provider for a four year old whose daycare cost nearly half of my take home pay…
Now, I’ve been remarried for nearly ten years, have a healthy and happy sixteen year old (is that an oxymoron?) and my husband just got a promotion.
I hit the tip jar. Keep writing!
I feel incredibly angry that the fathers of the children in the article are paying so little child support that their kids cannot be provided basic sustenance. If they are paying according to state-mandated child support guidelines, it is clearly not enough and the amounts need to be adjusted. These men should be deeply ashamed.
This is disconcerting.
Robin: Did she say where she lived? I really wonder if that is a factor. I can see people who are supposed to have middle class incomes going to a soup kitchen in NYC.
Hey, Jenn, remember how you laughed when I told you at our college reunion that I’m a temp? It made me feel so good!
It’s hard when our aspirations for ourselves (and the expectations that seem set for us from outside) don’t match up with what actually happens, and I almost didn’t go to that weekend because I was so ashamed of not being the — what? The people with the custom bike business? The granola maker? Sh*t, I’m not anything like that and wouldn’t want to be. I wouldn’t be good at it. It was scary for me to be there that weekend, knowing people would ask what I *do*. You asked me first, and I gave it to you straight. I just want to thank you in public for laughing just the right kind of laugh. It reminded me that what I “do” isn’t as important as who I am.
Oh, and I’ve been temping long enough now that last week, I got the 2% “tenure increase” from my agency. It made ME laugh –how little it is, and that I was so grateful anyway — and now I think I’ll celebrate by heading over to the tip jar. Who’s with me?
jenn,
there are about 10-13 community gardens in our area that offer free fresh produce to those willing to help harvest or tend the gardens a little. at least, i think that’s how it works…
maybe the girls would have fun working in a garden for a few days?
http://blog.mcla.edu/index.php/2008/07/30/hello-everyone/
I know the feeling. I’m trying to leave my husband. I have no money, renters rights, nothing. Is there help out there? I just applied for food stamps and section 8 housing (their is a 9 year waiting list for housing help! YES 9 years!)
Jenn, thank you so much for sharing the kind of shit that nobody likes to talk about at parties. I can’t get my kids into a doctor to fill out their state-mandated school physical forms because we have $700 in unpaid medical bills at the doctor’s office and my nearly-ex-husband isn’t paying. Tomorrow I have to pack up my 2 and 4 year olds and drive them across the state line to a free health clinic to get the forms filled out so that they can go to school so that I can go to work so that I can (try to) feed them on my teacher’s salary.
So many of us are living like this, in seemingly middle-class surroundings, but only a paycheck (or unemployment check) away from disaster. You and the girls are always in my thoughts, and I truly hope you get a break – soon. You say these things so much better than the rest of us.
Isn’t that Terrible Mother? I’d recognized the piece. She’s amazing.
I have been there, and not so long ago. I’m glad you posted this. It’s heartwrenching to realize just how many of us are not so far away from having to make that choice.
When I came to the point where she mentioned she had a job with benefits and a decent wage to keep her kids in school I felt proud of her..like yesssss you have a job in this horrible economy! That’s wonderful! One day I hope to have something similar!
I have a roof over my head because I live with my mother and I have a computer to read this blog on but I do not have health care of any sort and I bag groceries for minimum wage part-time because the store can do that..things are that desperate that a college graduate from a very good university is competing for the chance to bag groceries at minimum wage 12-17 hours a week (I got a 15 cent bump when I was promoted to cashier but they were stingy enough to not pay me that raise until I checked successfully..I mean..really?)
It’s really bad. So many of us are there. I found just having something to do for little pay and time just let me breathe for a bit before diving back into the job search. As much as I hate businesses for taking advantage of people during this time, I am so thankful to have a tiny tiny check every week.
This is going to sound gross and ridiculous but I was thinking about this when I was reading about these activists in Burma. It’s just that they struggle and don’t have stuff and they don’t blame themselves–it’s clearly not their fault. I think the problem with our society is that we always assume it is our fault. But it isn’t.
we’ve been fortunate enough not be feeling the financial pinch of this economy. at least, not yet.
this has been eye opening.
i’ll have to remember all this the next time i start to freak out about stacks of dirty laundry, spiderwebs taking over my home, weeds in neglected flower beds, slightly overdue hospital bills and insane heating oil prices on the horizon. our family is incredibly lucky.
Oh, this brings back bad memories. A few years back I was happily working in “high tech” in Austin, making great money and living in a wonderful home as a single mom. Then the bubble burst and I lost my job. It got so bad I was paying my mortgage with credit cards. Then I couldn’t make the minimum payments on the credit cards. Thank goodness things finally turned around and we’re good now. I got remarried, have our house and cars paid for and save money. I learned a lot of valuable lessons on how NOT to get overextended. I still have anxiety attacks, but things are definitely better. I feel so badly for others not as fortunate, because I have been there.
The thing that kills me is that so many people do everything “right” and still can’t make it work. This country is full of people who think that people are poor because they are undeserving, and I’d really like to say some choice things about the current administration and the neglect of basic human services in favor of war mongering that has gone on. Cough cough (paid parental leave) cough cough (high quality state sponsored childcare) cough cough. Ahem.
I have been reading your blog for a few months now. I find your writing to be funny, moving, and honest. This article was an eye-opener. I bought some magazines recently — a guilty pleasure — and the fact that I spent money on those, yet have been enjoying your blog for free, propelled me directly to your tip jar. I hope everyone reading will do the same. Keep writing. Another job will come. (I say this as someone who spent almost eight months on unemployment after being laid off.)
Happy little family here who has been hit HARD like everyone else. We are good people, struggling to pay our bills. It’s hard to see the imbalance in life: actors demanding millions of dollars per show or movie while public education recieves huge cuts but….life goes on. Go to a soup kitchen if you have to, do the best you can. We have soup one night a week to save money, every little bit helps. And we ARE happy- that’s a lot!
I had a similar experience about twenty-five years ago. The woman who would later become his wife, helped him figure out that any money given to me and the two kids, was too much. We went and signed up for food stamps and then hit the food closet and got our rice and beans. About two weeks later I was leaving them with friends while I worked a barely above minimum wage job. I’ll never forget, and I’m guessing she won’t either, my four year-old pleading with me to stay home with them and my telling her it was a choice between the welfare office or work. Enough said. There were times when the struggle was overwhelming, but I was fortunate to have friends who loved my children and could help me out.
It’s going to be very difficult at times, but you will do it.
Heather was looking for a book deal, didn’t get one. I think she’s full of crap.