Box One
I lament the box gone missing, the new website design. Don’t worry. If you liked the multimedia box, with its breedemandweep YouTube treasures, you’ll be happy to know it will be back. I just have to figure out how to move the BlogHer ads around to accommodate my little box.
Trouble is, the coding will take me some time. Doesn’t come easy to me.
Box Two
For some reason, my other box (the really cool one that births babies and holds the secrets of the universe) has gone haywire, and that’s holding up all things mundane (html coding) and not-so-mundane (creative work, travel).
I have my teeth sunk into 2010, though, and I am not letting go.
Been having pain and various symptoms for six months, but they’ve worsened recently. So various ob/gyn medical tests have begun in earnest—and let me tell you, poor Earnest is really confused!
Trust me, I want to be grateful for ready access to healthcare. I usually feel that way. In general, Massachusetts is a great state to be a low-income, single mother with medical issues and only state-provided health insurance.
But this week, I have been sick to my stomach with a muddy mix of worry and disgust. Yesterday, I met an aloof radiologist who used my time to tell me about his life, although I was obviously frightened and in need of answers. Funny anecdote, yes, ho ho! Your wife got pregnant with an IUD! How droll!
When I stopped him, to ask questions—no, you don’t understand, what else can you tell me, I am in pain, what happens next?—he fled the scene, passed the buck. “Looks fine to me,” was all he could say.
But it doesn’t feel fine. Not at all.
This week I had a humiliating pelvic exam—totally against protocol. The doctor did not leave the room for me to change. She threw a robe at me to put across my knees, and told me to yank down my pants immediately and leave my mudcaked winter boots on. “No. Don’t take them off. Just pull them up to your butt,” she said.
At times like this—when I am not feeling well, and I am in the presence of Authority—my Catholic school past kicks in and I numbly do what I’m told. Later, I feel the shame. As if I’ve done something wrong. As if I’ve troubled them, created a story of pain that does not exist.
During the pelvic exam, when I tried to explain that yes, that hurts, and yes, that hurts even more, the doctor had nothing to say. Nothing at all. This is my primary care physician, the doctor who is supposed to know me best.
To fill the silence, I told her I had made the mistake of Googling “interstitial cystitis” and “ovarian cancer” in the same night.
Her gloved hand still inside me, she said sharply: “Why would you DO that?”
I said, “Because I was alone. And I couldn’t sleep. And I hurt. And I need answers and I’m scared. That’s why.”
I know many doctors are frustrated by patients who attempt to diagnose themselves online. I get that. But I think it would be helpful for physicians to ask themselves, Why are my patients diagnosing themselves online?…and really let that answer sink in.
I think most patients would be happy to give up weeks of Dr. Google diagnoses for one hour of compassionate care from a physician willing to explain what’s going on—more than once, if necessary.
The quickie pelvic exam took place at an office that also screwed up the scheduling of an important ultrasound. Although the office expects 24 hours’ notice for cancelled appointments, the office apparently does not expect of itself the decency to apologize to its patients when it is at fault.
At this office, I could not get my primary care physician on the phone when the pain reached a level beyond which Advil could do any good. Her gatekeepers did their job well, refusing to connect me to her, and in fact, recommending that I just take myself to the ER. Seems to me there should be at least ONE step in between, a simple step in between Advil and the ER, involving the doctor who is supposed to be yours—your guardian.
I am an active, compliant patient. I’ve never blown off an appointment. So I’m getting frustrated. And I’m scared. I’m making all the right phone calls, showing up for the right tests (the next batch begins next week), but what’s lacking is a physician here whom I feel I can trust, whom I feel is taking the pain, the bleeding, the various other troubling symptoms seriously. They are not in my head—but it doesn’t help to have “bipolar” tagged on my charts, for sure. There is a shame that goes along with that diagnosis that pops up in offices, I have found: medical offices, government offices, law offices. As if I am less, in some way. As if I make too much, too much, of the world, and thus, of myself.
But something feels very wrong inside my belly. And I don’t know who is listening, besides my physician brother, in WA state.
(Thank God for Joe! I tell him he needs to let me clone him and start a practice out here with his clone, but he’s not going for it.)
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
That really stinks. I pray that you find answers soon – as well as a little compassion when you need it most!
And I thought this was just going to be a funny post about the multimedia box (which I love and also miss)….so sorry you are in pain and it is amplified by no one listening!
What you wrote about feeling like you are a burden to people in authority really struck a chord for me – I have felt that so many times, still feel it, and have no idea why. I went to Catholic after-school lessons; could that be it? Don’t know, but I have the same meekness and feeling like I am less and at fault as you wrote about here.
Hope you get a good doctor soon. I will be thinking about you this weekend. xo
ARRGG! That is so frustrating! It’s just shameful that doctors are so overscheduled that they can’t or won’t take the time to *listen* to their patients. And now you have to wait and wonder and worry; I am so sorry.
I hope you are able tofind a new doctor with whom you feel comfortable and can get you the answers you need. And above all, I hope you are okay.
Being a military wife and having to navigate the monstrosity that is known as military medicine, I feel for you. We’re not even *allowed* to call our doctor. When we get sick, it’s either self medicate, call the appointment line at 7 a.m. to wrangle with everyone else trying to get an appointment, (and more often than not, the appointments for the day are full, even if we call 1 minute after the phone line opens) or go to the E.R.
Like you, I am thankful for the healthcare. Especially since it’s free. However, sometimes you get what you pay for.
I really hope you get answers soon!
I have a doctor who is so good, so wonderful. My appointments with him are about 80% discussion and only 15% examination and then a caretaking by his staff. And his staff! They are so very polite and efficient. Obviously, the tone is set for that practice. I don’t know who to thank for the tone they have set, but I am so appreciative of it.
Unfortunately, not only is he too far away but he is also an asthma and allergy specialist. Sorry.
I wish, however, he could be in charge of teaching all the other doctors about how to treat patients. And I mean, how to treat them and how to TREAT them. Too many of them do it all wrong.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. Squash the Catholic school girl and demand what you need.
(hugs)
Oh this makes me MAD. (For your sake, of course.) We’ve been through medical hoopla, and my Ire (bless my Ire and your Earnest) often gets all up in arms. You are your own best advocate. Trust yourself…and yell REALLY loud.
I think you know that I struggled with very similar symptoms for months and ended up, eventually, with a hysterectomy. If you want to talk, you know how to reach me.
In the meantime, I’m sorry that you are still without answers, and that your experience with medical professionals (or should I write “professionals”) has been less than optimal.
Thinking of you. xox
Oh, babe, that’s just infuriating! I don’t suppose switching doctors is an option?
I hope you get some answers and some empathy SOON.
xoxoxo
It is too bad that of ALL the parts of your body, it would be one of the very few parts that would be terminally awk to have your brother treat. Because this story gives me the panics and makes me think “SOMEONE NEEDS TO FLY A GOOD DOCTOR TO MASS.”
I’m new to your blog and so, so sorry you are experiencing the difficulties you are having. Physical ailments are bad enough without the added burden of uncaring doctors or insecurities. I agree that you are your own best advocate and, by being persistent and consistent, answers will come!
TOO many docs send patients to the ER…it’s happened to family and me, unnecessarily. Also, my husband is an ER doc who fumes about the non-emergency visits. The best? A mother brought her 12 year old daughter in at 4 A.M…..she needed Miralax! I’m kind of glad no gunshot victim was waiting!!!
I once had a pelvic exam and ultrasound at an emergency room because of horrible pain (ovarian cysts gone crazy, twisting fallopian tubes and such), the crappy male doctor told me, while I WAS STILL HALF NAKED, “oh you should stop biting your nails, it’s such and UNATTRACTIVE habit”. WTF!!!!???? WHO SAYS THAT??? I was also 23 at the time! Nice.
Good luck and take care, still reading but not coherent enough lately to make comments on blogs. Also still amazed at your talented writing ona regular basis, someone needs to get you a book deal.
Thinking of you and hoping for a swift and heatlhy resolution soon. I am so sorry about all of the pain, physical and otherwise.
See, my comemnt is a leetle hyped up and has many grammatical errors, I should only lurk. Really, I hope it all gets sorted out and you get he respect you deserve.
I understand the importance of being earnest. Let me earnestly say that I will cross fingers, hope and pray that you get blessed relief very, very soon. Further, I will earnestly cross fingers, hope and pray that one of your illustrious readers lives near you and has a FABULOUS doctor who will take you in and solve your problems pronto!
Amen, sister! This is my first visit to your blog and your post resounded with me. Why are docs so screwed up and uncaring? I’ve been frustrated lately with some issues with my daughter and just spend $1500 on unnecessary tests for her that my doc ordered. I wish I could send him the bill!
Help me, Ob/Gyn Kenobi!
You’re my only hope!
Oh, Si, what would we do without you? Thank God for you! You keep your boy parts right here. We need you! xo
P.S. “WEWE” is the code.
Simon, you take the cake!
That is horrible, and should not happen. Our doctor friend just left our house after recounting some stories from the previous night’s call. He said, “sometimes I think I’m too nice”. I told him that was what made him a good doctor and not to let that be beaten out of him. I wish for you a doctor like him.
I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing such frustration and being treated (literally) so poorly in the midst of such frightening pain.
Hope the answers come and the pain is mitigated quickly!
I’m not even going to begin to exchange doctor/hospital/health care horror stories. It takes me a long time to emerge from that cavern…
Hoping you find your Dr. Baker (and yes, I did have to Google Little House for that reference), and soon.
Much love,
-A.
I, too, have a psych tag on my chart, and any pain or illness I try to discuss is usually waved aside and met with questions about how I am sleeping and eating, as though everything is always in my head. I am lucky to be someone who stands up against that kind of treatment and demands to be looked at, but what happens to those who cannot?
I hope you are well. This kind of thing can be terrifying, and I hope you find out soon.
In case it makes you feel any better, I had to have an electrocardiograph a few years back for my Alpine Club Insurance. They make you ride a bike at various speeds while hooked up to a machine with little stickers all over your chest. This I did with my breasts waggling about gloriously while three guys in lab coats walked in and out of the slow-closing door and took notes. Because apparently, underwire messes with the machine… and, you know… forewarning a female patient to wear a sportsbra just takes too much time. Some things about Europe I definitely DO NOT miss!
No matter how much money you have or don’t have, physicians take oaths for a reason – they are SWORN to provide you with ethical care. Don’t be shy to remind them gently or not-so-gently, as necessary.
Hugs,
topo
You are in the Berkshires, right? If you are interested, I go to a very caring doctor who makes a point of recognizing the WHOLE person in his office. I can certainly share with you my experience of him, etc. if you are exploring other doctor options.
And I’ll bet that none of those practices utilize a patient questionnaire. Is that because they don’t want to know how they’re doing? My guess is…yes.
Don’t give up. Make yourself a pest until they help you just to get rid of you! Hugs.
Jenn, I’m so sorry to hear about your troubles. My own psych doctor screwed up my care recently, leaving me medless for far longer than was ideal, and I’ve seen both sides of that psych diagnosis in a chart – I’ve watched my own colleagues dismiss a patient’s complaints because of it, and I’ve sat in an office and wondered if my own complaints get minimized because of it.
Oh, and I’d switch primary care docs as soon as it’s feasible. That was not even close to an okay method of examination – disrespectful, uncomfortable to you as the patient, and certainly not going to yield the information that needs to be gathered from such an exam. You deserve a caring, thorough physician who will take the time to get it right. I know they can be hard to find… I wish you luck with that endeavor.
XO right back.
I live in California, am uninsured, and have breast cancer. I am eligible for a program that covers women with breast and ovarian cancer through Medical. If I had any other type of cancer, I would be screwed. Regardless, I feel helpless and hopeless. The doctors have so many patients that you can’t even expect to get personal care. Take a number and wait and wait and wait.
I know that doctors hate google, but I think it is an excellent research source and makes the patient more knowledgeable when they do get to talk to a doctor. (Only if you are not a hypochondriac). Just be persistent and keep asking the questions till you get all the answers.
Having worked in health care, I know a lot of doctors, and many of them wish they could spend more time with patients. But they do have to make money for insurance companies and the pressure is on. Just be thankful you don’t live in California.
ugh, so sorry you’re going through this scary, unknown time. the health care in our country doesn’t help, and i also wonder if the culture and demands of it don’t contribute to unfeeling doctors, or if the field just draws left-brained people, and you just have to luck and get someone who is a mix of left and right like your bro?
i am glad MA has state insurance though, and i hope you figure out what the heck is going on for sure soon. sometimes, doctors just don’t know yet. it could be serious, but it could also be nothing, so i’m hoping it’s the latter for you!
Sweetie, you do a very good job with so many parts of your life. And I understand that Catholic schoolgirl feeling around doctors who can be so fucking holier than thou. If this is an obstacle that will take time for you to overcome, then find an advocate now. I accompanied my friend to all of her chemo treatments for breast cancer, and was able to ask questions, demand attention and push the medical people for her when she was in pain and really scared. I was able to get my friend free samples of some very spendy meds, just ‘cuz I thought to ask. I also made the staff get the hell away from her when she needed a few minutes to get her self together before her first treatment. I was able to make myself a pain in their ass and take the heat off my friend. Find a bitchy/bossy friend and take that person with you to appointments and tests. There are many of us out there. Just seek. I’m sending all my good vibes to you.
xox, dede