Please. I like it. Patronize me up and down and all over, Saint Jotul. Hear me! I pray to you, Saint Jotul of Gorgeous Woodstoves and Gas Stoves!
”The spirit of Jøtul is all about a passion for warmth. In both senses of the word. Not only the heat generated by the stove or fireplace, but the atmosphere created around it. It is an obsession for life around the fire.
For the perfect atmosphere. The perfect surroundings. And the perfect moment – of calmness, peace and harmony.”
Calmness. Peace. Harmony. Let’s talk about that, Jotul.
I only bring this up, Saint Jotul, because, well, what is up with all sorts of free loot being tossed to bloggers? BLOGGERS NOT INCLUDING A CERTAIN JENNIFER MATTERN OF BREED ‘EM AND WEEP?
Books and toys? J.C. Penney couches and cubes? Free cars for cross-country trips? High-ticket items would be VERY WELCOME HERE, PATRON SAINTS OF THE BLOGWORLD.
But I am most deeply worried about being able to keep my kids warm, Saint Jotul, oh, until they leave for college. We are not peaceful, calm or harmonizing like Boyz 2 Men right now. If you were here, you would understand. You would.
JOTUL! JOTUL! JOTUL! JOTUL! JOTUL! I figure if I write it enough times here someone from the Jotul company will hear my plea! How deeply I covet your woodstoves and gas stoves! Why should they only be installed in the wealthy homes of the nation?
JOTUL JOTUL JOTUL JOTUUUUUUUUUULL WITH THE FUNNY SLASH THROUGH THE O! HEAR ME, O JOTUL!
Jotul! I have a crumbling chimney and an inefficient oil furnace that JUST TODAY sent plumes of scary white smoke billowing out both ends of said chimney. Clouds of smoke appeared above the house and filled the basement (true, true). Sophie burst into hives all over her body (true! true!). One dog ran out the back door in a panic (true, true!).
See? BAD! THIS IS BAD, JOTUL!
I AM STILL ON UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE, JOTUL! While I search for work we three girls and two dogs are currently living on UI because I was laid off by a company that is ALL ABOUT THE BEAUTIFUL LIVING PEOPLE CAN DO WHEN THEY HAVE BEAUTIFUL SALARIES!
Saint Jotul! I am down on my knees. I offer white smoke to you. I am tired of crumbling ca. 1901 chimneys and my crumbling life and would like VERY MUCH to HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. Because I am really, really, really, really, really tired, Saint Jotul. I am a broken woman here, Saint Jotul.
THE BILL TODAY WAS $429, JOTUL!
I AM FREAKING OUT, JOTUL!
HERE IS YOUR CHANCE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE, JOTUL!
MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE LIFE OF A LAID-OFF SINGLE MOTHER WITH TWO LITTLE GIRLS AND A CRUMBLING OLD HOUSE! JOTUL, HEAR ME! I have no pride. I will beg.
One lovely woodstove, gas stove, pellet stove — I don’t care, I’ll take whatever you’ve got lying around, a floor model is fine! — and I will sing Jotul praises all year round! Everyone will know that Breed ‘Em and Weep is the Official Blog of the Jotul Company! If, you know, that’s something you’d want.
No?
I could change the name to Breed ‘Em and Jotul. I could. I wouldn’t mind.
Really. Freaking. Out. Here.
I would even write the press release about your kindness, Saint Jotul. I’d write you the mother of all press releases.
Oh please.
Hear me, Jotul.
St. Jotul forever and ever, amen.
Comments on this entry are closed.