Later… like when your girls are in their early teens and you want to sell them on craigslist.

I would totally watch them, and here’s why: you can’t let your fear of hurting define you.

Yes, it will hurt, to see and remember the love that was there, and isn’t anymore. Yup, gonna hurt. But, after the sobbing and aching and wishing is over, then you can finish that film as you see fit.

Make it a documentary, your documentary. Make it avant garde and weird. Make it a musical. But, if you just keep waiting to be ready to face it, your fear wins.

Pain is just that. Pain. It hurts, but eventually it stops. We’re so afraid of hurting. And seeing the hope and love you once had will be salt in a wound. But, then you can clean that wound, let a scab form and see what you’re gonna get for a scar.

Don’t be afraid to hurt. It won’t hurt forever.

I do this. I am a spectator of my former life, my life with Arden. I, too, am a different, happier person. It was when I was whole. I like to be reminded that I once existed that way. It brings up the grief again, to be sure, but if I don’t let the grief surface once in awhile, it will do so of its own accord, when I least expect or want it too (randomly, in a doctor’s office or grocery store, typically in the most inopportune moment, when all witnesses are sure to put the invisible “crazy woman” stamp on my back.)

Again – you do what is best for you. For me, uncorking the bottle every now and then, letting the bubbles of sadness effervesce and escape, releases some of the painful pressure that’s constantly building within.

Much love.

Also, I really like the buttons up there on top right of the site. They stay with me wherever I scroll! And, being an avowed addict of REDDIT, I like the cute little alien best of all.