COME HAPPY SLUTS, a post I wrote on February 21st, 2006, a post which never, ever fails to amuse me. Onward, you happy sluts!

God Bless Ye, Failed Googlers. Your failure is our triumph yet again.

Behold the actual search strings that have led hundreds of very confused souls to breed ‘em and weep. All who wander online are indeed lost until proven otherwise.

I ask that you hold your applause until all the Lost Googlers have been named and properly categorized for all eternity.

A rarity: my intention matches my actions. I heed the fire. I try to stretch the fire, using old newspapers, twigs gleaned from the dry brown yard, precious fatwood I found tucked into a printed burlap sack: CAPE COD FIREPLACE. I have to figure out where to get more of the fatwood, to replace what I’ve used. I have stretched firemaking resources to the max, being a firemaking novice. I am a beginner at flames, and the dwindling supplies show it.