I am driving over the winding mountain pass from my town to Albany. I notice, as the road straightens out, that there is somebody standing up ahead in the very middle of the two-lane highway. No car in sight.
I can’t figure it out. People zoom this stretch doing 50, 60. To make the matter more interesting, this joker is wearing some type of reindeer-like headdress. Antlers. What an idiot. This better be good, I think, as I slow down some.
Ten car-lengths away, and the guy’s still not budging. In fact, it’s clear he’s looking right at me. Terrific. I make sure the car doors are locked. I assess swervability of the sides of the road. I look back at the guy. Damn. Some kind of costume. What the hell?? Why me? No other cars on the road, that I can see.
I slow some more and feel myself cringing. This had better be good. The last frickin’ thing I need is the latest serial killer, Reindeer Man.
He’s still not moving. This is full-on face-off now. He’s in some weird brown suit. Ambitious Halloween dress rehearsal. What the hell?
His eyes lock on mine, through the windshield.
Well, Lord in heaven.
He’s a moose.
A gangly, teenaged moose. Facing me, head-on. Looking all two-legged.
I brake as fast as I can, squeak to a stop about 25 feet away from the big guy, who does not move. He looks awkward, ungainly. He eyes me with interest. I’ve been looking for you. I got my orders in March.
I’ll be damned. I can’t take my eyes off him.
Another car comes up behind me, and the moose gives me one last meaningful look, then trots with surprising fleetness into the woods.
What a joker. Joke’s on me. I’ve been saying for months, hey, Universe, I really could use a nice animal totem. And I NEED YOU TO BE VERY, VERY CLEAR.
Moose. I submit, humbly. Go look it up. I sure did. I read everything I could find online about moose totems, and I did it with my mouth open and my head shaking. Right on the money. Moose. I got a moose. He could have trashed my car, that wild teenage moose, but no. That moose came to deliver a message. You’re wack, baby, but let’s get past that. Follow me and I’ll show you some really cool moose shit.
I’m in.
I am so in.
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