Um? This one time? At band camp? I wrote this thing? And the people of Boston want to call the DSS?
I wish I did not care. I wish I could shrug off the trolls, the haters, the creepers.
My skin is too thin for this writing stuff. And yet I keep plugging away at it. Is this the definition of thick-headed, or persistence? I no longer know.
This time, they cut me to the quick. Can you smell the blood from where you are? Oof. I am down for the count.
I know I’m not supposed to read the comments. I know anything about nudity seems to whip Bostonians into a Puritanical feeding frenzy. I know the things I am supposed to know—with my mind—but my heart and my gut get scared.
Question my sanity, sure, but don’t question my mothering. Or my hair.
Please go read the article if 1) you’re feeling sassy and protective and 2) you’ve been naked in front of your offspring.
If everyone wears Haz Mat Couture for bathtime at your house, though? Forget I mentioned it. Boston Globe what? La la la la la la la la la…
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Oh Jenn! So proud that you’re published. And don’t worry about the haters; not everyone will agree on this topic. I remember being occasionally horrified by my mother’s liberal open door policy, but I’m trying to do the same thing with my daughter. My husband is also completely open with the boys. There is no shame in the human body, no matter what anyone says. We all have to live in one.
Wow, Mamabear, an up and a down all in one. How sucky.
I only read a few comments because I am limiting my hate intake these days, but there are some serious issues on parade there.
This is not about you, and not about you being naked, it is about them and their stuff. I know it hurts, and it sucks, but if you are feeling bad because you have some little part of you that fears they have a point, try to dismiss that. You know in your heart that you are doing the right thing, believe in your heart, as lumpy with scar tissue as it might be.
I also have a problem with thin skin, but mine is growing thicker all the time, perhaps yours will too.
Do you read The Fluent Self? Havi has a whole entry about ways that people deal with stuff like this – http://www.fluentself.com/blog/habits/someone-threw-a-shoe-at-you/
I very often am in various states of undress around my kids, Son 5 and Daughter 18 months. I am very real, stretch marks and scars and flab everywhere. And I think that being comfortable in my own skin translates to them. One of the ways I am comfortable is to get dressed in my own house in the manner in which I choose. I don’t have the gumption to brush my teeth naked, all that shaking and gyrating leaves me self-conscious in front of our waist to ceiling bathroom mirror, but I’d be that way regardless of the presence of the kids.
I think you’re brave, and lovely, and honest, and REAL. For those who can’t handle it, piss on them. You are not wreaking havoc on society as some of the haughtier commenters suggested. Your girls will know what it’s like to be a real woman, will be proud of their real woman mother, and will know that you were not afraid to be your real self, in all your naked glory, in front of them.
I wish I could be so open about nudity. I’m just too modest, and to be perfectly honest? I don’t like my body and don’t want other people to see it. That’s not healthy, I know. I think you’re doing a great job with your girls.
Oh, My! I saw that in on Boston.com, but did not realize it was you. The people complaining about you writing it like a “romance novel” cracked me up. Have these people never read poetry?
I don’t think the negative reactions are a uniquely Bostonian thing. Most of this country can not tell the difference between modesty and shame.
Congratulations on the publication!
Jenn, if I may be the one to put your fears at ease, I would like to quote directly from one of the vitriolic comments at issue here. You may close your eyes while you read this, if you wish, to dull the pain that it does not cut you twice:
“But it’s people like Ms. Mattern, children of the children of the 60′s, who have corrupted this once stable civilization.”
You see that? You see what’s being said there? It’s not YOUR fault at all!
IT’S YOUR MOTHER’S!!
Shame on you, Mater! For shame… having the temerity to raise your daughter (and probably your son, even!) in any sort of environment that promotes an open-minded view of the human body and its multitude of associated functions.
I have but one word for both of you brazen hussies: BURKA.
I suspect the problem is the subtitle that the Globe gave the article — “can a clothing-optional policy….” makes it sound like you’re running a nudist colony over there or something. I’ll bet most of the haters had their minds made up before they ever read your words, based on that.
That’s where the Globe’s interests (controversy! get ‘em commenting!) part ways with yours.
If it makes you feel better, I once wrote a piece about taking Merrie to Dunkin’ Donuts for the first time, and someone commented that she was going to grow up to become a sexually promiscuous druggie, because I wan’t teaching her to say “no.” Seriously.
I mean, sometimes kids grow up to become sexually promiscuous druggies. I know this. But I’m pretty sure it’s not because their mom took them to Dunkin’ Donuts once. And I’m also pretty sure it’s not because their moms brushed their teeth nekkid from time to time.
Tough writing interesting things in the first-person. Fiction is safer, I guess.
Hang in there.
i love this piece! it’s so great, and so not mental about nudity. i actually love the title of this blog entry too. sorry about the tough comments — that’s awful. the only silver lining is that your piece hit a cord with people, good and bad. we really do live in a majorly uptight country. but i hope the attention will translate into something good down the line
Hi, just wanted to let you know that although I dont tend to comment here, I was moved to comment on the comments at the Globe. People are crazy, and they are taking their own issues out on you. Look at it this way – your post was published in a paper! Yay you!
i just read some of the comments — they are so completely over the top that they have little to do with your piece. they have NOTHING to do with your piece. if at all possible, turn it off and don’t take it personally. nudity is obviously a complicated issue for these folk. i had a friend write a piece on whether to circumcise her kid on babble.com (she’s christian, hubby jewish) and she got soundly attacked by commenters, and she just said Whatever, They Clearly Didn’t Get It!
I just read the article (not the comments) and I LOVE it. It’s exactly like my house, except I have just one daughter. It’s my hope that by behaving such, my daughter will know that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes (mine is xx-large) and that no one should be ashamed of what they look like. Thank you for helping me know that I’m not a weird parent.
Jenn,
I wish with all of my heart that I had grown up in a household more like yours. The best I can do is to make it so for my own daughter…a bit more complicated since I have two sons, but I am determined to do it. First step- get comfortable in my own skin. How do you do that again?
My mother raised my sister and I in the EXACT same fashion. Bodies were simply bodies, we understood how they worked, and weren’t terrified of them clothes, or no clothes. Both of us have managed to grow into mature, healthy adults who have a love and respect for our figures, whatever they may be.
Tell the public to f-off. If more mothers like you existed we’d all be in a better place.
I could just scream out loud at some of those idiot Globe commentors. It was a great article and you are doing a good job with your girls!
I didn’t know that it was YOU who “…corrupted this once stable civilization”! My, but you must be exhausted. That’s a lot of work!
I think your comments about sensitivity are a little forced. You had to know that the piece would draw comments. That’s why the paper ran it, right? So it would get noticed and read–editors like people to read the stuff they print.
So read the comments, don’t read the comments. They paid you. But think about how much more personal your essays have to get–are you going to make each subsequent essay more revealing and more personal? How much are you willing to share? And how much of your daughters’ lives are you willing to use for material?
As Simon wants to ‘Burka-size’ me – (does one size fit all?) – I feel that I should share just how corrupt and free-lovin’ MY ’60s were: 12 years of Catholic school, church organist. And Jenn’s dad was in the seminary and then US Army before we met and married. Oh yeah, we’re bad.
Simon, you are right – blame it on those damn hippies! ROTFLOL.
Seriously, how sad and disturbing that such close-minded people cannot relax enough to enjoy life’s little ironies and diversity. I’m so proud of my daughter’s courage, gift to touch people (especially here at her blog), and mothering skills … with or without her clothes on.
Hey, Jenn! Your article is superb and congratulations on its publication. My advice is to not even read the stupid comments. Your skin as a writer must be rhinoceros-thick. It is wonderful to read about how you are raising your girls and I hope your piece will inspire others to be as natural about their bodies around their children. I could have written a similar article 30 years ago when I was raising my kids in France. Then my son started hiding when he changed his clothes. I asked why. “Invisible girls,” he responded warily from the closet. That was when I realized parents can only do so much when a culture is teaching the opposite. The folks who did not appreciate what you wrote reflect their upbringing. They were not fortunate enough to have a mom like you.
Love your column – the spam word thing ate my comment….
I have three kids – two girls, 6.5 and 5 and a 2 yr old boy.
All three have tracked me down and jumped in the bath with me at one time or another.
My middle daughter coined the best middle child phrase ever: Mommy, tonight can I have a One Girl Bath???
Oh – and let the boston globe take a crack at this: when the girls play dress up, the boy runs up “Me Dolly! Me Dolly!”"
And I help him into whatever Tinkerbell or tutu he has chosen.
He looks beautiful – and I get 20 comments on the picture from my facebook page…..
We are the Mommys! How much modesty do you have left after delivering a few kids!!
I love my children, and I hope they learn to accept themselves for who they are, and accepting those around them – flaws and all. Who’s perfect, except for the the curly headed little boy in the Tinkerbell costume?
Nevermind the idiots. We love you
@dawn–have you read the rest of this blog? i think jenn’s already figured all that out.
Dawn, parental nudity is not exactly on par with the admission of a heroin habit. And just because one is paid for what one does doesn’t give others license to hurl stones at you in a public square.
I’m sort of curious about the judgmental tone you’ve taken here. Did Jenn’s column offend you personally? Or was it the saying “ouch,” as though being somewhat hurt and bemused at the wrath her oh-so-normal admission engendered what bothered you?
Either way, your comment reminds me very much of my ex, who would stomp on my feelings and then accuse me of being “over sensitive.”
All you’ve really accomplished is to position yourself as both a judgmental jerk AND a bully. Well done!
Dawn, you sound like you *just* got here. You might want to poke around a bit before diving right into the comments with that holier-than-thou tone. Try it on for size:
We’ve read you. But think about how much more informed your comments have to get–are you going to make each subsequent comment more relevant and more astute? How much are you willing to empathize? And how much of Jenn’s daughters’ lives are you willing to use for material?
I kind of miss my baby son’s amusement when he watched me get dressed each morning. Now he is *totally* bored by my nakedness.
I think Calamity Jane said it all – ‘We are the Mommys!’
Your kids are probably going to grow up to be mental cases. Might not even be your fault; most women are mentally unstable.
I don’t think that telling them that fat bodies are healthy is a good idea. Most diseases (heart, cancer, diabetes, etc.) are weight-related. You really should be encouraging your kids to look more like Heidi Klum or Paris Hilton. It is healthier.
I read and then re-read your piece and the comments because I just couldn’t wrap my brain around the crazy.
I thought it was a lovely piece, but what do I know. We don’t worry about the nekkid a bunch in our house either.
miranda sanchez. really? was that a serious comment or tongue-in-cheek? if serious you might consider doing a teensy bit of research before you comment because good health is actually more on the normal to slightly overweight range than on either end of the spectrum. moderation is key, apparently. what a concept.
moderate commentary might be equally helpful here.
Please, please tell me Miranda Sanchez is kidding. Please.
OMG, I have a “Dawn” who comments meanly on my blog, too! That poor woman must be working night and day to keep up with all the people she needs to correct and teach!
My name is Margalit, I live in Boston and I’m a second generation let it all hang out parent. I was brought up seeing my mother naked all the time, and my father’s ‘at home’ outfit was boxers and a beater. Believe me when I say I’m comfortable with my body despite it’s scars and flaws.
Efven though my kids are teens, and one is male, I’m still not one to ever close thye door on the john when I’m using it, and like my father my ‘at home’ outfit is a pair of undies and a beater or t-shirt. Right now, I’m wearing a delightful pair of green cotton undies and a grey t-shirt. My kids are so used to this that they think nothing of barging in with friends, THAT is where I draw the line!
But I firmly believe there is nothing wrong with nudity and in my family, we’re very comfy being around each other half dressed.
Oy vey, Jenn, all that over some nekkid booty in front of your young children. I live in VA and boy can I sympathize! I recommend that you treat this issue with copious amounts of chocolate and a big fat snuggle with the girlies. Sheesh, people.
Then again, I’m European and nekkidness is part of our plan for world domination.
I’m amazed that the ultra liberal people of Massachusetts have a problem with your post.
I’ll offer this: Look at all the positive feedback you are getting from people who have a MUCH better sense of who you are as a woman and mother. Those are the ones that count.
Mad props to the Notorious J.E.M.
I thought it was a lovely article, and I started glazing over going through the comments. Geesh. Methinks a timeout may be needed, not DSS. *rolls eyes*
your daughters are going to be beautiful, confident, amazing women who love their bodies (instead of hate them) and know that they truly do come in all shapes and sizes and are to be celebrated not shamed.
you’re a fantastic mother and i only wish more parents could be as brave as you are and teach their children that a naked body is nothing more than that…a naked body.
thank you for being brave enough to write this article and for being brave enough to mother your children with such tenderness and absolute love.
Okay, I figured out what was bugging me about Dawn’s comment. The assumption seems to be that if you can expect controversy to result, you can’t say you’re wounded by it. That doesn’t make any sense at all. Like saying that if you expect enemy fire, you can’t say it hit you.
You poor woman. I would be a terrible mess if anyone ever cared enough to say such a negative load of crap about me. Bright and lovely sassy people like you are entitled to still feel a little bit shitty when other less sassy people are mean.
Or to look at their naked asses.
I would recommend the former. Hope things feel better soon.
Yep, it’s all you. You, with your proud, naked bum, “who have corrupted this once stable civilization”…
My partner and i get naked in front of our toddler regularly.
What i have to say to you is this: You and your tush take down America, me and mine’ll get Canada!
“The assumption seems to be that if you can expect controversy to result, you can’t say you’re wounded by it. ”
Wrong. If you expect controversy, you might know better than to (a) read it and if you really can’t resist, then (b) don’t take it personally. Who cares what total strangers think?
Obviously, I was way wrong to think that Jenn would have ever anticipated that she might get negative comments from the Globe readers. I guess I thought she was a more experienced writer or something. My mistake. I still think it’s a lot of fuss about nothing, both the Globe readers’ reactions and Jenn’s reactions to the readers comments.
i like ur writing style and the post was so lovely. i read the whole thing and it was so delightful. the love of a mom towards her kids. just amazing.
I didn’t have the energy to read the bashers in the Globe, but I liked the piece, and I just don’t understand why people can’t leave well enough alone.
We never close the bathroom door, we wander around naked, we usually all sleep in one bed. Big deal.
Keep your chin up.
magpie needs to trim her eyebrow.
I’ve read your piece, and as many of the comments as I could stomach. I think the real tragedy is that as mothers we are constantly expected to question and scrutinize every decision we make, to weigh what we believe to be good and true and natural against what millions of people around us believe, and then to feel guilty and wrong if those things don’t match up, which in my experience just doesn’t happen all that often.
We’re naked on an as-needed basis in our house, sometimes that means when we’re changing or bathing, and sometimes that means when it’s just too hot for clothes. Recently Matilda has made some new friends, most of them considerably more conservative (socially, not necessarily politically) than our family. I overheard one of them the other day saying, in a matter of fact way, “it’s okay, girls can see girls naked, but boys can’t see girls naked.” While I understand the impulse to help our daughters protect themselves in a society that does sexualize so much of what it means to be a woman, I’m not sure that this rigidity is the way to go. In my experience not very many things are as black and white as that. It’s hard to say for sure since, like you, I have two daughters, but I like to think that if they were boys, I wouldn’t do things much differently.
What I want is for my girls to be comfortable with their bodies and with the bodies of others, I want them to develop an intuitive sense of what is appropriate and what is not, based not on fear and shame, but on understanding, compassion and respect, for themselves, and for others. While it would be naive to say that treating nudity casually at home is the only way to achieve this, it certainly seems like a logical, practical, and loving way.
You, Jenn Mattern, are an excellent mother.
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