I have to let her go.
It hit hard today with three words: “Let her go.”
Me, as I’ve known her until now. I have to let her go. I have to say goodbye. There’s no way to live, there’s no way to keep going as that woman, as fond as I am of her.
What stays will stay. What doesn’t, won’t.
I am ready to lie down in the thick snow and fall asleep, let it be over. I can tell you I know that’s not the way it should end. So she’s got to go. She’s got to go, find a different path, and I’ll find a different path too.
I may move.
I may keep this, Breed ‘Em and Weep, as archives, and start a new blog, a new form of media.
I need to travel more.
I may return to the expressive arts while I work part-time as a freelance writer, or as the world’s most cheerful dominatrix for the blind. Haven’t decided yet.
There’s a lot to be figured out.
But she must go. I must let her go. I must let her go, I must say goodbye to all she’s holding onto, to all she thinks she can’t live without. She needs to know she’s already been living without.
There may be new friends waiting. There may be a new home, farther from here, in a new community that will welcome me and the girls as we are. We’ll figure it out with D. We always do.
But it can’t go on like this. No. It’s time for her to go. I love her very much, but it’s her or me. And she’s got to be the one to go.
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
To you.
And her.
And new beginnings.
All my love,
Jenn
Let it happen. The phoenix is a powerful image for a reason, my lovely. Ashes give birth to new life.
And, ahem, I hear Seattle is WONDERFUL this time of year…
The beautiful house across the street from me is for sale! And it has an awesome playhouse in the backyard. AND I have girls for yours to play with. (and boys, if they’d prefer that) And I give homemade fudge to my neighbors every year. Etc.
Let her go. It will be hard, but you’ll be stronger without her. And Norway is really nice in the winter. Iceland, too.
I wish you everything good in this world.
And my security code for this post? ‘To Be’.
xo xo
You write a lot of posts that are very cool and interesting, but also very hard to comment on. I say this because I sometimes go post after post without commenting, even though I’ve spent time staring at the screen, re-reading the post and considering it—-but then I can’t think of a thing to say. But I don’t want this to translate to “no response.” And “This was cool and interesting” doesn’t seem like the right response either.
As long as we can all find YOU somewhere, I’m good. Fare her well.
Jenn, I’m not sure how else to say this, so let me put it in the words that first came to mind after reading this post:
I have never in my whole life felt more like gouging my own eyes out than I do right now.
Cheerfully,
Simon
Dear one,
Relationships are born, they mature, grow and then… they… end. Everything has a life cycle.
And the real work, wonder and heartache is in between..in the evolving… in the living.
I found you here, I’ve felt honored to have been let in to your world (thank you) and I wish her well. I hope peace and success and laughter follow her all the days of her life. Amen
With respect for the life-cycle. Much love.
Rooooo
Glad you are writing at BEAW again, but a new blog sounds like a good idea, too. Change is good, although sometimes it is hard to embrace at first.
Love her, but love you more…
Breathe and release. There is power in the choosing. Much love on your journey.
Courage is a bone-white, naked, breathtaking thing, exhilarating as snow. God bless, dumpling.
oh, baby.
i want nothing more than for you to do what you need to do in order to be happy.
so much love.
here?
xoxo
Out with the old and in with the new. xoxoxoxo
*blowing a kiss*
Bye
This will factor in, lovely ones: does the comment box seem to be working again?
Dear lovely one :
Yes it seems to be.
Jenn,
Just as you cart off your children’s old, ill-fitting clothes, perhaps it is time to gently cast off what no longer fits your changing body.
I will be here celebrating what is left.
Let her go, gently, with a kiss…. discard the outer wrapping, hold on tightly to the kernel of you….
…and please… leave a forwarding address!
wv:hywy…highway?
In the words of a print I just bought myself
“All of life is a foreign country”
Travel safe and keep warm.
Not all who wander are lost. The joy is in the journey. Etc. Peace and safe travels. I’m just hoping to get a postcard (via the internet!) now and then to let me know where to find you when you’re ready to share stuff. I would miss your voice tremendously if I were to lose it for good.
To new beginnings. . .
Or, as a friend once told me: Change is Good.
(um, but why is my word verification CACA—-seems a bit crude given the heavy subject matter)
I think you are great! I think your blog is great, trust you will make the good decisions, joanlvh
Here’s to new beginnings! Just… please keep writing. Thank-you.
Godspeed.
In the famous words of Hawkeye: “You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you.”
Good luck, Jenn!
Right on.
i love this power!
but i’m wondering about chocolate mice…does the new you like em too?
xoxoxol
Leap forward and seize a new life. Grow and blossom. *hug*
Right behind you, girl, all the way. PS – you are so beautiful, on the page and on the screen, too.
Change is good; evolution happens eventually. Whatever you do will be brilliant and unique because that’s who you are. And you’ll always be at the very top of my bloglist, always.