Jenny says let’s send Obama and McCain to couples’ therapy on national television! With Paris Hilton!

I am a secret political genius. My crapper brings it out in me.

I tend not to talk politics here. Poo, yes. Politics, meh.

But the other day, as I plunged the upstairs toilet for the 47th time in the past week, I had an epiphany, loveys.

I daydreamed that Obama and McCain added the nation’s first Presidential Couples’ Counseling Debate to the expected-but-never-anticipated lineup of run-of-the-mill, rhetoric-spouting debates.

Come on, my peeps. How fantastic would that be?

Imagine, if you will:

Paula Poundstone and Ann Coulter would take timed turns serving as the cheeky political therapist/moderator. Following the rules of that old couples’ therapy chestnut, each candidate would have to effectively argue the OTHER candidate’s point of view on numerous topics, such as foreign policy, Iraq, the economy, and where those dirty socks should go at the end of the day.

Obama and McCain would share a couch. They’d get one box of Kleenex, and two Dixie cups of water. No questions provided beforehand—sorry, fellas. The Academy Award guys would deliver the questions to Paula and Ann in their Mission Impossible briefcase as the event commenced, live.

And if either candidate should try to subvert the debate by slyly slipping in their own agenda, Paula Poundstone or any one of the three savvy pundits (a Republican, a Democrat, and Paris Hilton) would be permitted to smack the big red “Deal or No Deal”-type buzzer and cry FOUL. The offending candidate then would be required to tell a joke making fun of his own political party.

Joe Biden and McCain’s VP will each be permitted to throw as much popcorn as they want, at anyone.

Millions upon millions would tune in. What a delicioso treat it would be, to see Obama and McCain in that setting, required to strip away all the crap for a night. Don’t show us your hope card or your POW card: show us you’ve got a clear understanding of where the other party is coming from. Surprise us, guys. Surprise yourselves. Share a laugh or two. Now THAT would require smarts, guts, wisdom, compassion, moxie and humility.

I bet they’d both come off looking better by evening’s end, and we’d all have some much-needed new perspective on the election.

Why am I not running the world? You tell me.

Now back to my regularly scheduled toilet-plunging.