God, I love my mother.
I save every single one of her emails. I really do. Because God forbid I should ever lose this woman, I cannot bear the thought of also losing the finest emailed, unintentional humor writing on the planet. When she goes, I’ll need to start all over at the beginning, rationing myself an email of hers a day. The day after the funeral I’ll start with Mom’s Email #1, when she nearly took out the fiber optic cables or what-have-you in 17 countries by delightedly spamming her pierogi-rabid horde of Polish-American cousins about Catholic Saint-Swap Pyramid Schemes or some such Thurberesque-Sedaristine combo delight.
I often tell her she is exactly the mother I was supposed to have, and I am exactly the daughter she was supposed to have. It’s coming more clear all the time. Happy Easter, Jesus, and thank you for the technological advances that allow me inside my mother’s dear brain.
Today’s email from Mom, verbatim (sorry, Mom, it’s just too good, I am overtired for no surprise reasons and now cannot stop laughing at 1am):
How did this woman wind up with a $2500 per month mortgage payment to begin with?!! Gah!
However, the rest of the story could be you.
Click the following to access the sent link: “From $70K to food bank, one family’s struggle – CNN.com”
I’m here!
Love, Mom
P.S. I did not include the actual link because it means I will just laugh harder at my own situation and wet the bed and the dog, and who wants to do that at 1am, except, you know, Toddlers Who Pull Off Their Pull-Ups, and really intriguingly perverse people. I like to think I’m intriguingly perverse, but not in a wet-the-bed-and-excite-everyone-on-the-bed sort of way.
At least yet, but who knows what a future holds, really. I am learning to be humble in those matters.
If my mother keeps sending me emails like this (which she will), I will really need to step up the Kegels.
I am so glad you are there, Mom.
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Kegels are SO overrated.
I mean well. What’s a Thurber-Sedaristine combo? Can I have mayo with that?
I feel the same way about my mother. The right mother is the best thing in the world. I hope and pray and try my damndest so that my daughters will feel that way about me one day.
I found the article – the only thing funny about that is the absurdity of it all… my family is just as close to the food bank as she was 2 months before she had to go. So many of us are. It is so hard to stomach… so many of us well educated, working hard, and so close to complete ruin. Just one car accident or medical bill away…. Ugh.
Oh, I totally agree, dear Keri. Don’t get me wrong. The content of the article is horrifying, and so many of us are just one car or medical catastrophe away from that. No, I just love my mom’s comic timing.
I have to laugh. Sometimes, you just have to laugh. Oy.
Kegels are definitely overrated.
Ben Wa balls though… that’s where it’s at. (Erm… so I hear, anyway.)
Your perversity intrigues me.
Of course, so do your various neuroses.
Neurotic perverts are the bestest of perverts.
Oh, Jenn, I TOTALLY get the comic timing! I also understand the uncontrollable laughter. As we continue the process towards bankruptcy procedures with a PhD and a Masters degree between us, living in a crappy house, driving modest cars and having NOTHING extravagant about our lives (unless having three children is extravagant)… well, we often laugh at everything, to keep from crying!
first of all, is spot hitting on you?
secondly, the comedy, it’s all about the timing. the mater is a master comic!
xomox
Oh Jenn…you will have to promise to share those e-mails with all of us when the time comes (many, many years in to future)
The loss will be felt by us all.
Holy crap, enough with the dying already! I just got a haircut and went to the movies. I was looking for a retired doctor who could listen to my heartbeat and verify that I’m alive. This is getting worse by the minute – I’m reduced to looking for a stranger to feel my chest. On second thought, maybe it’s not such a bad idea.
Put the darn emails away for another 30-35 years. Don’t open them until you join me on Medicare. Kids!
I wish I felt this way about my mother. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough.
Weirdly, I am convinced that my husband was my mother in a previous life. I have woken up a few times, very bleary and confused, and for a minute thought that my mother was in the ned with me. Not my actual biological mother, I could see the physical form of my husband, but that this person next to me was my mother! Freud eat your heart out.
I’m so glad that sometimes the universe works out just right. I think I have just the right kid for me and I ope he ends up feeling the same way (we are not biologically related). That would make up for the fact that I got totally the wrong mother for me and she, poor woman, got totally the wrong daughter.
And I am the biological offspring of my mother- or so I’ve been told. The genetics do bear some resemblance, but past that there is not much we share.
My mother is tech-challenged so our communication is either over the phone or face-to-face. I will have to rely on my memory and photos when she’s gone. And since I take terrible photos and have a terrible memory… I’ll have to rely on other people’s photos and memories. Oy.
I love that the Mater e-mails and blogs. Hi Mater! It is wonderful to read the dynamics of your relationship.
At least your mother speaks actual human words to you…
meaning, it’s not a “letter from the angels” (in which something really BAD, and not so ANGELIC will happen to you if you don’t read it and then pass it along to 50 people who’s names must begin with the letter “T” or some nonsense like that)
I envy you so.
I know exactly what you mean and have to admit that during my recent struggles (and you know what they are) my mother has become my best friend. The person who I know I can cry to and she will listen like everyone else will listen and yet she soothes me in a way that no one else can soothe.
It’s supposed to be like that.
You are reminding me to thank her for that. So, thank YOU. And thank the Mater. Bless you both.
I read that article on Friday, and I have to say, it made me DIZZY. It also made me consider hording canned goods…..
Apparently, your Mom (as well as your readers) don’t live in California where rents are often just as high as the listed mortgage, lay-offs are frequent….
As a widow of 1 year, with 2 children, who got laid off due to my company being shut down (by the big, well off mother company), I am happy to say that I don’t have the same issues. But I fear that I could very easily end up there if I’m not careful.
Keep these emails! I kept all the emails that my mom and I exchanged while I was away at college and after she died, I printed them out and read them one night, all 150+ of them. I laughed, I cried, I got mad…it was, honestly, one of the things I am most happy I did – keeping those emails.
I am so glad you have your mom with you. I’ve always loved hearing you talk about her…the love you two have for one another, the bond you share…it’s beautiful.
Save those emails before you lose ‘em. Because a few years ago? I lost all of my grandma’s emails to me. She was a rockin’ cyber email granny for like 4 years, until she turned 88. Seriously. Taught herself how to type and everything. I soooo regret not printing or otherwise archiving her messages.
I do have every snail-mail letter and card she ever sent me, though. There are lots of ‘em.
I had to stop by here and comment due to the state of my husband and my current state of financial affairs. It’s tragic and hysterical at the same time. How can two professionals barely make ends meet? It’s like our generation is getting the short end of the stick or something. The frustration is endless.
Anyway, you make it funny and it helps. Thanks.
Hey– this is my first-time commenting on this blog, but couldn’t resist this topic. My bf knows my long-standing fondness for emails from my mom, and sent along this link http://postcardsfromyomomma.com/
At first it was sad, realizing that I was not the only person getting super funny (and sometimes super-random) mom emails, but then I got over it and just accepted the funny.