I was all like, you’ve got naughty cartoons in your bathroom! How can you get away with that?
And he was all like, welcome to Urology!
No, seriously? Kudos to Urology. First off, the nurse was incredibly compassionate.
I was all like, I know I’m talking a lot to you, but I’m trying to talk fast and not waste your time. I’m trying to tell you what I know. This isn’t mania. Please understand. This is me having two little ones and being worried because I don’t know which way to turn.
And she was all like, I hear you.
How about that?
I hear you.
And she meant it, too.
I was all like, thank you. Thank you so much.
The urologist referred to the nurse he worked with as His Boss.
He was all like, I’ve got to check with the Boss, but let’s try to rule out a few things today, if you’re up to it.
I was all like, you bet, yes, please.
He was all like, okay then.
I was like, a urethral stricture seems really unlikely to me, how about you?
He was all like, hey, that’s cool that you’re smart, you’re right, urethral stricture is something we usually see in major pelvic trauma. But you seem like you’re in a lot of discomfort, and you’ve tried to urinate five times since you’ve been here. We could do a cystoscopy—
I was all like, ooh, yeah, that’s the long tube with a camera on the end of it that you guys like to push up into bladders.
He was like, well, it would rule out stricture and give us an idea if the bladder is the main problem, or if it’s an innocent bystander to some other growth in your abdominal organs that’s pressing on it. It might point us in a new direction, diagnostically.
I was like, you mean we could do it TODAY? In your office? And unicorns are real?
And he was like, yep, we could do it now, with the Boss.
I was like, bring it.
So they brought it. I was all like, hey, you’re sticking a camera up my spasming bladder. Won’t I pee in your face?
And they were all like, hey, we’ve seen it all.
And so they stuck the camera in. And I was all, yay, look at me, this is a cakewalk, I rock!
And then they looked around, and that kinda hurt, but I was still all like, look at me, I still rock!
And then they yanked that puppy out. And that didn’t hurt so much. But then I stood up.
And then my bladder said WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, YOU SICK MOTHERFUCKER?!?!?!?!
And I got dressed. And when the doc came back in the room I was hunched and whimpering on a chair like a cat that needed to be euthanized.
And I was all like, um, do you have, like, anything HERE, not at a PHARMACY, for PAIN, like NOW, like IMMEDIATELY?
And he was all horrified, like, duuuuuuuuude. And that doc, God love him, he ran out of the room, brought me a cup of water himself (can you count the times a doctor has brought you a cup of water himself?), and two boxes of Vesicare, which is supposed to batter the angry bladder into submission.
And he was all like, um, I’m really sorry it hurts. Take one now, but it won’t work for a while.
And I was so touched, I was all like, thank you. I don’t care if it doesn’t work. Just thank you for your kindness and compassion, dude, because you played this one really, really well. And you should know that, Dr. Urologist.
And he was all shocked. Because, hey, I don’t think Urology gets a lot of kudos.
And so we went over the test results, with the Boss checking in too, and leading me to the private bathroom in the back when the spasms would take over.
Bladder’s not draining. Could be interstitial cystitis, but he’s not ready to make that diagnosis, because 1) ain’t no cure for THAT and 2) more fun stuff needs ruling out that covers the other scary weird painful symptoms that have been going on for over six months.
So next up: more procedures you won’t want to hear about. Colonoscopy. At 39. I have never felt hotter in my life.
And: Laparororoosooscospy. To see if something’s THEEEEEEEERRE. If I’m incubating ALIENS and they sleep on my BLADDER.
But in the meantime, I have to find a primary care physician as nice and smart and thoughtful as my urologist.
I’ll look for dirty cartoons in the bathroom. That’ll be my tip-off, clearly.
Bring it. I am going to Iceland this year even if I have a colostomy bag hanging out of my Sharper Image backpack.
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
I am SO glad that someone is FINALLY on top of this.
FINALLY.
SO glad.
I am sorry the procedure hurt, sweetness.
I AM CROSSING MY LEGS VERY HARD. Also very glad that someone is finally taking this seriously for you. Go, Jenn!
Fun! Whee! OK, not fun, but ruling things out is good, right?
The only ass-vice I have to offer is in regards to the colonoscopy. The prep is the worst part for most people. You’ll hear that from everyone, because they give you good drugs for the procedure. For me, the worst part was probably having to make small talk with the doctor, which was fairly excruciating because he and my husband work together and it was AWK-ward, what with my hairy exposed ass and the knowledge that we would no doubt run into each other at future cocktail parties. I could tell he felt awkward, too, because he was overly complimentary about my “excellent prep work” and my squeaky clean colon. Ahem.
(Aliens sleeping on your bladder would make a great cocktail party anecdote, though.)
Glad you’re finally making some progress on figuring this out. Could you ask the nice urologist to recommend a nice GP? From my husband’s recent experience, we agree that urologists rock!
I like the idea of the urologist recommending/referring you on to a new PC practice, the sooner the better. Please get that colonoscopy done asap! I’ll be at your side for that one. Everyone is right, it’s the prep that’s the most inconvenient/uncomfortable. We’ll use my car the morning of … love, Mom xo
I think it is sweet, and lovely and definitely quite sad that you are so grateful to a medical professional for showing you any modicum of human kindness. That says a lot about the medical profession at large. Not good stuff.
But still it is sweet and good that even in your suffering you took the time to thank them for being compassionate and treating you like a real person, because I’m sure that made them feel good, and I’m sure it will inspire them to keep doing that..or even to go the extra mile.
I really hope you find a diagnosis and cure post-haste. It sounds diabolical. I’ve only had one bladder infection and I will never forget it. Hang in there!
Colonoscopy, shmolonoscopy. I’m 48 and I’ve had a dozen. They’re actually quite nice, because you drift off into this awesome dream place and you awake out of it as if you were just taking a nap and are totally refreshed. And the next day you can’t remember a damned thing you did that day, so like, not a good day to sort through important papers or something you might need to find at a later date.
Also, if you don’t like the drink they make you drink, there are pills that do the same job. You have to take A LOT OF PILLS but I like that better than that god-awful sweet/salty crap they make you drink.
Jenn, I’m crying from laughing this time…SO glad you found a doc with dirty cartoons on the wall. Hope he can refer you to a similar-minded PC.
So glad you found a great urologist. I went to a lady urologist once and it was horrible, surprisingly so. About the laparoscopy – anticipate being laid up for maybe up to 5 days afterward, if you’re a wuss like I am. When “they” say go home and live your life normally afterward, no recovery time necessary, it’s because “they” never had a lap done. Also check out the kidney cyst but don’t freak out, I think they are pretty common.
Yay for you and Dr. Urologist!
Is Dr. Urologist single?
1. Ouch.
2. You’re very brave.
3. BLESS HIS HEART.
4. I hope there’s a simple solution to this pissy problem.
Compassionate urologists seem to be common. Would you believe that it was a urologist who helped my dad get his depression treated? True story.
i’m so glad to hear you finally found a doctor that listens. and i will be hoping and hoping you find a primary physician who fits the bill as well.
At the risk of being flogged, I once again am so glad my boy parts are seemingly easier to manage (though my first prostate exam is pending…).
Jenn – I’m glad this experience (at least the human parts) was so much more amenable than your prior healthcare madness. See if he has a brother/sister/relative who’s a doctor as well.
Thinking of you and the family — still have a (slightly congealed) egg-salad sandwich for you. (Sorry, I drank the chocolate milk already.)
Also – my security code is “ANAL”. Thanks. Seriously.
My daughter (16) has interstitial cystitis. It’s a horrible disease. Horrible. I hope for your sake it’s not IC or something worse. If it is IC, check out the Interstitial Cystitis Network and the Interstitial Cystitis Association on the web. Lots of resources. The thing that helped my daughter was being ABSOLUTELY strict about her diet. She’s doing a lot better since her diagnosis (her urologist is wonderful too, like yours). Good luck. Take care. And don’t let any asshole doctors say it’s in your head. People like that should have their licenses yanked.
The heck with interesting cocktail party chatter! Aliens sleeping on your bladder would make one heck of a sci fi movie! Make sure you get a movie deal out of that one.
I betcha Dr. Brother secretly got a hold of Dr. Urologist and got all, like, Dude! That’s my sister, you be good to her, mmm’kay?!
Either way, dirty humour and a good bedside manner is to be lauded around here.
Jenn, I’m literally crying with relief that you finally found a doctor who cares. Life is good.
Yeah pee pee-doctor, boo hurtful-ness
I have some remedies for the hurtful-ness.
I am NOT a doctor…but I give some Homeopathic remedies to my kids when they have had bladder issues.
The co-op on Main…does it carry stuff like Arnica?
If it doesn’t… e-mail me and I’ll get it to you A.S.A. Pee pee ha ha ha …ahem
Rooooo
SO glad you finally had some compassion thrown your way. And don’t sweat the colonoscopy – I had one about 4 years ago. The worst part is the prep – the 24 hours of making sure your have noting in your colon before you for the procedure. But the procedure itself is no big deal. I actually kind of had a good day. the sedative they gave me made me not care what was going on – most people never remember anything. I, of course, did my best to concentrate so I could actually see the procedure. Geeky biologist – I though nobody is going to look there if I cannot see, too! But eventually I could not force myself to stay awake. And when it was over I was pleasantly relaxed and sleepy for a few hours of relaxing at home. I thought as a mother of three that the excuse to lay back, relax, and rest undisturbed all day was HEAVEN. No pain at all.
Hang in there, sweetie. You’ve obviously got a lot of people pulling for you!
You’ll hear from everyone about their colonoscopy. Had my first at 42, done by my neighbor. (When I asked her if that would be weird she said, “Nah. Y’all look the same from there.” Prep day is the worst. Make them give you the pills, not the evil liquid. They will offer you photos. Decline.
I had a great primary care doc when I lived in Billsville. I poked around and he’s gone or retired by now.
This post made me think of the urologist in my home town. License plate was PP MD. Apparently a sense of humor is required in that line of work.
Good doctors are worth their weight in chocolate. And they’re rarer than unicorns. Hang onto this one and don’t give up until you find some more. So glad something is going right for you.
Another fun thing to look forward to, other than the prep, is the long and loud farts while you’re in recovery from all the air they blew into you….but good news is you’ll be so groggy you won’t care or remember
I’m so glad you found a good doctor who is also compassionate. What a combo. You deserve it girl!
I don’t know what it is about the field of urology, but we dealt with a lot of urologists the first few years of Oliver’s life, and every one of them (and their nurses) was awesome. I’m so glad you finally got a bit of compassion, and hope they get this thing figured out soon. Love you, Kabu.
A friend once gave me a cartoon of a nurse answering the phone: “Urology department. Please hold.”
Thank goodness for doctors who are kind AND have a sense of humor.
I had colonoscopy last year (at age 39 too) and it was no big deal. Even the prep – no big deal, just needed to be near the bathroom…
Like you I’ve delivered two daughters. After childbirth is ANY procedure a big deal?
Here’s to good results!
Colonoscopy, no biggie. Prep can suck it, though.
I have avoided the cystoscopy, and as such, I have no official diagnosis for the UTI-like symptoms that fuck up my days. No infection, but feel like I do. Could be IC, or could be something called Painful Bladder Syndrome.
I’m sorry for this particular brand of pain. It makes me frantic. I’m sorry you’re going through it, too. All kinds of suckage. But it seems there are some good people looking after you now. Always good news.
Ouch. I’m glad you got a nice doctor though. And the colonoscopy will be easy, though the prep is gross. But the lap might hurt for a day or three.
My dr. thought I had I. C. also, but it turns out it was pelvic floor dysfunction and I went to a physical therapist that specializes in that, and I am finally pain free and no “pee” issues, Lol! Google pelvic floor dysfunction, maybe that is what you have also, worth a look anyway.