From the category archives:

Playdates. (Relationships)

On vacation, I catch disappointment on one’s face, melancholy on the other’s. Just Mom, this time. I can’t be the two particular people that they so desperately want to be waving to them on the bumper cars. One at a time, they seem to be figuring out. It will always be one or the other parent, never both, not really.

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I try to console myself with the fact that I don’t need to change my name back to Mattern. And if I have any single friends left who like me enough to ask me to be their Maid of Honor someday soon, I can be a Maid of Honor again, instead of a Matron of Honor.

But I will still want to cover my upper arms with an unfortunate wrap. That’s just 40 for you.

Even Julia had some upper-arm jiggle going on.

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There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

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thank you for the waltz

August 14, 2010 · 2 comments

There is not much to say at this point, except that I ate ROY G. BIV for dinner. Red onions, orangey-gold banana peppers, spinach, romaine, iceberg, Hattie’s blue dress, a purple poster over our low table. There were meats, too, cold cuts, animals that died to be pickled, salted beyond their comprehension or mine. The [...]

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Tooth Fairy crimes

August 13, 2010 · 9 comments

Oh, crap.

Soph’s bleeding but happy. She’s managed to wiggle another tooth loose.

This is one of those times when it would really be nice to have a partner in Tooth Fairy crime.

I contemplated what to do. Was this a sign? Is it time to tell her?

I go to her room after mulling this over a bit.

She sits at her desk, composing a letter to the Tooth Fairy (including a line for the Tooth Fairy’s signature). Plans for an honest, if painful, discussion go out the window as I watch my firstborn happily crafting a little plastic showcase for her tooth from an empty earring box.

I exit her room, leave her to her cheerful work.

I attempt nonchalance in my room as I quietly dig through four old purses. Thirty-seven cents. This does not bode well for the Tooth Fairy, as the Tooth Fairy has been inconsistent at best with her sums, and the last tooth was worth an even $5.

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The fourth dog

August 12, 2010 · 21 comments

“You’re going to have to be firm with her,” he says, amused.

“I know,” I say, as she nudges her nose under my arm, again. “Oh, I know.”

When I hang up, she nestles close and spoons with me, pressing her shaven spine against my soft belly.

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Quarter of a million words In any dictionary here Three that you sometimes heard In your city of birds Larks and doves of song, fear Quarter of a million words The first, the second, the third— Words we held like cards, my dear Three that I sometimes heard I recall it all: red dog, furred, [...]

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On the 4th of July, a stray dog was brought into the Brooklyn Center for Animal Care and Control. She had escaped from a burning building. The pads on her feet were burned off completely, her fur was singed all over, and she was covered in lacerations. No collar. No one came forward for her. [...]

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WWHOHD?

What would Hestia or Hera do?

Oh, these H-gals are on ON MY MIND. It turns out that Hestia, not Hera, is the goddess of hearth and home. Hera is the goddess of marriage, motherhood, children. But I am grooving hard on both of these goddesses, at the moment.

I realize I have not cleaned the cat litter box for some time. Some kitty litter is scattered beside it, and the trail extends into the hallway outside the bathroom. I swallow the unpleasant conclusion: Eli has been, er, helping me keep it clean. Ugh. Clearly, I am no goddess of the hearth and home—not yet—although I love home with a passion, and I pine for a hearth with the fervor of Hestia. I yearn for a lasting marriage like Hera, even with a husband that tosses a lightning bolt now and then.

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Good, once

July 8, 2010 · 4 comments

I dream of reunion. Always and forever, I dream of reunion, all that has been lost becoming found. At least, I dream of the seeking. I rarely find what I am looking for. I fear this still, in my vertical, blinking life. Last night, I sought you. You, who would never expect a starring role [...]

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