Because I said so. (Parenting)

All this over a naked bum or two! Let’s get a few things straight: 1) I do not shove my daughter’s face into my ass cheeks and command her to sing. They did that at Guantanamo Bay. I choose waterboarding when my children misbehave, as most sane parents do. 2) I did not choose the [...]

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“Why does there have to be money anyway?”

“I asked my father the same thing when I was eight,” I tell her. “He told me something about raccoons and monkeys and pineapples becoming too burdensome. I still don’t understand.”

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Dogged dog-furred raggedy mother
of two seeking self that spring-cleans
despite limited means, a self with
sudden wealth and no hair in the
drain, a self that can listen to the
train at night and not take flight.
Self, come soon.

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We talk about how their bodies will change, how they are likely to have adult bodies that resemble mine in many ways. I shake my booty. They shake theirs. It is absurd. We are absurd. We are lovely.

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He was as unbalanced as a McDonald’s Happy Meal toy.

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