I love my mom. She is solid, beautiful, there. She loves me like a rock, protects me and cares for me—whether she’s three blocks over, in a different country, or simply a blog away. Read her post. That’s the lady who taught me to write, who taught me to be kind, who taught me it’s [...]
All this over a naked bum or two! Let’s get a few things straight: 1) I do not shove my daughter’s face into my ass cheeks and command her to sing. They did that at Guantanamo Bay. I choose waterboarding when my children misbehave, as most sane parents do. 2) I did not choose the [...]
“Why does there have to be money anyway?”
“I asked my father the same thing when I was eight,” I tell her. “He told me something about raccoons and monkeys and pineapples becoming too burdensome. I still don’t understand.”
Despite reports to the contrary, chivalry and gallantry were not dead—not until you threw them under a bus last week and proceeded to hump their remains in the middle of a busy street.
Sophie: I’ve read every one of my chapter books. Me: Oh, I don’t know about that. Sophie: (eye roll, disgusted sigh) CONSIDER MY LIFE CYCLE. Read, read, read, sleep. Read, read, read, eat, read, read, sleep. Read, school, read, eat, sleep, read, read, read. Me: Your LIFE CYCLE. Can I write that down? Sophie: (eye [...]
Last night: S: Oh no you DIH-INT. H: OH YES I DIH-ID. S: Oh no you DIH-INT. H: OH YES I DIH-ID. S: No you dih-int ’cause I SAW-AW you. H: OH YES I DIH-ID ‘CAUSE YOU DIH-INT SAW ME! S: I know you cah-ant. H: OH YES I CAH-AN. S: [turns to me, quizzical [...]
Dogged dog-furred raggedy mother
of two seeking self that spring-cleans
despite limited means, a self with
sudden wealth and no hair in the
drain, a self that can listen to the
train at night and not take flight.
Self, come soon.
We talk about how their bodies will change, how they are likely to have adult bodies that resemble mine in many ways. I shake my booty. They shake theirs. It is absurd. We are absurd. We are lovely.
He was as unbalanced as a McDonald’s Happy Meal toy.