It’s 10 am, and David comes home from dropping Sophie off at camp. He is visibly shaken. Enters absolutely stricken.
August. The Santa Claus question. She’s not even in first grade.
This is the hard stuff. The stuff with no contingency plans.
***
David and Sophie, sitting in the car, just outside of her summer camp:
Sophie: [sudden] Are Christmas and Hanukkah always on the same day?
David: That’s a hard question. Sometimes they’re happening around the same time, yes.
Sophie: [fierce] Is Santa Claus real?
David: [blindsided] Ah…well, what do you think?
Sophie: I think he is. I want to know the truth.
David: [gently] Why are you asking this?
Sophie: Do parents write the tags and put them on the presents?
David: Well, honey, sometimes we try to help out, yes, by writing the tags—
Sophie: [eyes brimming] Have you ever written the ones that say ‘From Mrs. Santa Claus’?
David: No.
Sophie: Okay…so…maybe she’s real.
David: [struggling] Honey…it’s…it’s a great thing, to believe in Santa Claus—
Sophie: But do you write the other tags…are parents pretending to be Santa Claus?
David: You really want to know?
Sophie: Yes. I want to know the truth. I want to know who writes the tags.
David: Honey. Santa Claus is…it’s not bad to believe in…some stories in life are more real than they are stories—
Sophie: [opens car door, accusingly] So it’s a lie!
David: [stammering, trying so hard to find the words] Honey, it’s not…it’s more like a kind a game…that parents are helping out with…sweetie—
Sophie: [firm] I don’t think we should talk about this anymore.
***
Some days—when you stop sorting clean Tinkerbell underpants long enough to count—you realize there are at least a million ways to ruin and devastate your children. And that you already have half a million notches in your belt.
It’s a minefield you entered willingly, with them in your arms. You jump from mine to mine, missing all the safe ground, trying cheerfully to explain the terrifying explosions to your screaming babies, as the landmines go off under your feet, one by one. Santa. BOOM. Tooth Fairy. BOOM. Where babies come from. BOOM. Why, sometimes, there’s just nobody to play with. BOOM.
Boom.
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