COME HAPPY SLUTS, a post I wrote on February 21st, 2006, a post which never, ever fails to amuse me. Onward, you happy sluts!
God Bless Ye, Failed Googlers. Your failure is our triumph yet again.
Behold the actual search strings that have led hundreds of very confused souls to breed ‘em and weep. All who wander online are indeed lost until proven otherwise.
I ask that you hold your applause until all the Lost Googlers have been named and properly categorized for all eternity.
IN THE BALLPARK
paint the storm door cranberry
dogs licking floor
middle age boobs
hattie nickname
grandfather was a carpenter
liev schreiber
KIND OF IN THE BALLPARK
challah bread covers
yiddish shizzle
open denim jacket busty
what is valium made of
funny in-laws from Canada
USED TO BE IN THE BALLPARK
aqua net mall hair
girl puking all over herself
HANG OUT IN MY BALLPARK AND FEED ME PRETTY GRAPES
funny witty responses
jennifer mattern magic spell
ONLY MY THERAPIST KNOWS ABOUT THIS BALLPARK AND SHE’S NOT TALKING
disassociative identity disorder
NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE BALLPARK
antidaycare
weekend cruise
cheerleader panties
empty nest support groups
gender disappointment and coping
KICK HIM IN HIS BALLPARK
post your wife naked
breed a blonde woman
how to breed your wife
GIVE THE NICE SLUT HER ACCESSORIES BACK AND COME OUT OF THE CLOSET ALREADY
slut clothes
slut in sandals
earrings for sluts
THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT GIVING HER EARRINGS BACK
she puts me in her panties and girdle then spanks me
DUDE YOU SAID IT NOT ME
dressing room crossdresser
SANDRA AND RUTH DEFEND YOUR FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND THIS IS THE THANKS THEY GET
sluts on the bench
THERE’S A VERY GOOD REASON THE TALIBAN HATE CURLING UNIFORMS
Canadian sluts
A COMMA AND I’M STRANGELY CHARMED, A HYPHEN AND I SUDDENLY LIKE YOU A WHOLE LOT LESS
come happy sluts
AS LONG AS YOU DON’T ROLL OVER
is it okay for dog to sleep with us in bedroom
AS LONG AS IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR FIRST QUESTION
how do you know your dog is giving birth
GETTING REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THAT DOG
sharpie dog ear infection
SERVES YOU RIGHT
smell shoe dog crap
WITH THAT LIFESTYLE, PROBABLY A BETTER CHOICE
play doh dog
GET HER A SUBSCRIPTION TO BLACK INCHES ALREADY
wife wants black penis
wife wants to try a black monster
GET YOURSELF A SUBSCRIPTION TO BLACK INCHES ALREADY
how long does a black man’s penis get
YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST GOTTEN THE SUBSCRIPTION
bred my wife to a black man
MOST PERSONALLY DISTURBING
in laws massage horseshoe
BEST ABSURDIST JOKE SETUP
porn movie walking a dog
BEST ABSURDIST JOKE PUNCHLINE
dennis quaid muu muu
BUT YOU’RE WEARING A MUU MUU DENNIS
doh eat my shorts
LET ME KNOW IF YOU FIGURE OUT ANOTHER WAY
bathtime nude
OH GIVE IT A REST ALREADY
nude ballerina
nude daughter-in-law
my nude cousins
THIS FUNHOUSE IS RATED I FOR INCONSISTENT
funniest masks in the world
funny girl moans
scary boobs
NOTHING SEXIER THAN A MAN WHO KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS
malformed boobs
DYSLEXIC AND HIS BEER TASTES LIKE CRAP
lager penis
SORRY I DIDN’T HEAR YOU I WAS WATCHING SESAME STREEP
meryl street nude
SHE’S ALLERGIC TO MERYL STREET
meryl streep blowing her nose
YES, BECAUSE THAT’S ALL WE TALK ABOUT, YOU MEATY STUDS
blogs women on penis
GIVE THE GUY A CHANCE
husband small penis not erect
GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE
why will my penis not grow
GIVE YOURSELF A HEMATOMA
penis bind
THREE GREAT THINGS THAT GO GREAT TOGETHER
benadryl and vodka
uncontrolled muscle movements
IF YOU NEED A CHASER
prepaid therapy
ASK YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THE FLAT SHINY THINGS THEY KEEP ON THEIR WALLS
what i look like naked
I KNOW SOMEBODY WHO COULD REALLY USE THAT MIRROR
large t-shirts make me look even shorter
MUST BE NICE TO HAVE ALL THAT TIME ON YOUR HANDS
borrow sugar from the neighbor
pink cakes
ice cream between waffles
dollhouse popsicles
gravysicles
mary poppins mops
IN BETWEEN CRAFT PROJECTS AND BAKE SALES SHE MAKES FLASHCARDS FOR MORK
picture of a cup of sugar
picture of a waffle cone
ASK MISS GRAVYSICLES WHY DONCHA
do it yourself penis extender
make your own penis extender
PRETTY SURE IT DOESN’T COME WITH A WARRANTY, CHIEF
penis protection extender
PUT DOWN THE EXTENDER BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR TWIG COMPLETELY
extra inches extender how big
YOU CAN’T TELL ME YOU WERE SURPRISED BY YOUR WIFE’S REACTION
laughing mary mother of god
THIS IS THE LAST THING I’LL SAY ON THE SUBJECT
oh now you weep
THAT’S ONE WAY TO DEAL WITH IT
share husband’s small penis
SETTLE DOWN BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR SEASON TICKETS
lick ballet
TALK DIRTY TO ME YOU BAD BAD BAD CANADIAN CHAP
lick bum
NO YOU LICK MINE
lick my blog
LOSING STEAM AREN’T YOU
lick
WHO DOESN’T
love it when you call me big pooper scooper in my head
I THINK THIS IS A SCOTTISH PICKUP LINE BUT I CAN’T BE SURE
go on the fucking good thing, ye!!!!!
WHO IS THIS WOMAN AND HAS SHE GOTTEN A RESTRAINING ORDER YET
emily naked
emily nude
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, ASK EMILY
what is a heavy breather
EITHER PLANNING A CRAFT PROJECT OR A “BUSINESS” TRIP TO THAILAND
rice paddy babies
rice paddy dolls
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Dying. Thank you. Loved this. Needed this today. Thank you, Jenn.
PLEASE… you must warn us that these are not appropriate for work… if you are within earshot of anyone! Laughing hysterically while sitting alone at my computer totally blew my “working hard” cover. Such good medicine for a Thursday morning. Thanks!
SO glad I have my own office this morning. Thanks for the LULZ. (You have some very interesting googlers, man. And by “interesting” I mean “twisted.”)
Keyword searches: one of bloggings greatest pleasures!
that was really, really funny. I laughed through the whole thing. Thank you….