All this over a naked bum or two!
Let’s get a few things straight:
1) I do not shove my daughter’s face into my ass cheeks and command her to sing. They did that at Guantanamo Bay. I choose waterboarding when my children misbehave, as most sane parents do.
2) I did not choose the subtitle: “…clothing-optional policy….” Nudity is strictly enforced here, as the postal carriers, UPS man, and neighbors can attest to. Our dogs are nude at all times, or we beat them.
3) I don’t fake it, Dawn. Ever. “Sensitivity” on the blog, or the big O in bed. You’ve already got your opinion about the blog, but if you’d like to whoop it up between the sheets and judge my sincerity there, email me and we’ll work something out. Then you’ll really have something to write about. That depraved woman at Breed ‘Em and Weep! Did this thing! With her tongue! What a harlot! I asked her to do it again and again so I could tell you about it!
Truly: The cruel comments knocked the wind out of me and made me want to stick a fork in the electric outlet. No lie. I did not see them coming.
Why do I write? I look forward to handing over 10,000 pages of life stories to my girls someday. I want to hand them their early years, with love. I want to give them all I can and say, “I loved you so much that I wrote this down. I was paying attention. This is what I saw. This was our life together. You mattered. You matter. You will always matter.”
My naked tushie? Not so much.
{ 57 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, Jenn. In my throes of insomnia I came across this entire saga and read every.single.comment. left for you on that site.
1.) Listen, you harlot, with your supple, pornographic, leading-your-daughters-to-future-whorism breasts, you are loved.
2.) Your writing, your parenting, your mental state, your hair–all things that anyone that knows you or reads you would question.
3.) Handing over those pages, the reason you write, the things that you do write–is why I write, as well. Often people say to me that they are stunned by my ability to talk about things so personal; how they view that as brave–I want you to know that you inspired me to that. That sometimes when I think, “I can’t give this to the world”, I think of you and remember that ultimately, I want people, most importantly, my kids to know of life. And the truth of it. And that sometimes it’s hard and that sometimes it’s far from perfect, but that always, they were loved.
Hugs, kisses, and unwavering adoration.
WAIT! I meant to write “WOULD NOT QUESTION” on number two!
I am NEVER leaving a comment without proof-reading again!
Egads!
Can I get an “AMEN”?
***waving devil horns at Dawn. oooohhhh.
I was surprised at all the negative reaction, and just wanted to throw my positive support your way. It’s clear to me you love your kids, are honest with them, and doing the best job you can. Which is all any of us can hope for. Keep it up!
We know you love them. And we love you and your writing.
Jenn you are a brilliant Mother…
Those loonies over on your article were just terrifying.
I didn’t realise that Americans had such a problem with nudity! I don’t think we had such a problem with family nudity when I was growing up… and that was as a child in 70′s Ireland! I’ve seen my Mum in all her glory since I was a wee one, and my granny too. It really doesn’t seem an issue to me.
Good for you!
I love this, Jenn. I was stunned myself because what you wrote was so normal and the way it should be. Josie still grabs my breast and asks for milk (She’s five and a half now! I weaned her 2.5 years ago!) and laughs and comments loudly about my private parts when I take her in a public restroom because she knows it drives me crazy to have others hear about it. But I would not have it another way. I grew up with no nudity allowed, and never saw another human body until I was sexually active. I actually changed in the stalls during my entire competitive swimming career! It scarred me, really. I still hate what has happened to my body as I have aged… I did not see it coming. THAT it shocking.
It is impossible to imagine how sharing a few jiggly moments with young daughters is immoral, or in any way bad.
I believe strongly that the girls will find themselves not wanting to be naked in front of anyone at some point. It is part of growing up. (Liam finally feels a need for privacy with his body at 9!). In the meantime, I know they are learning and when they are old enough for puberty they will not be scanning the internet for information (God knows what they would find!) to explain what is happening to them. I desperately searched for information at the library at that time in my life.
I was worried about you and that Dawn comment last night. If I had been surprised about the hatefulness, I knew it was devastating to you.
You are beautiful. Your heart is beautiful. Your girls are beautiful. And nothing else matters.
Jenn, you are WONDERFUL!!! And, to put it bluntly, people are IDIOTS and most of the time I really hate them. So, pay no attention to the majority of people who are morons. Is that too harsh?
Damn, woman.
You realise that I’m now hyperventilating about you and another woman in your bed, doing that thing (over and over again) with your tongue. That’s so hawt.
Also, in a fit of Dionysian solidarity, my two boys and I rampaged around the house nekkid last night, after having a shower together and rubbing soap all over our respective bodies. (Their bodies are five and three years old.) We didn’t sing into each other’s bum cheeks, and we also resisted the urge to sing into the “microphone” because, well, that would be just wrong.
We agreed that “Naked Man” is the most powerful super hero there is, “Dressed Man” is his arch-nemesis (what IS he trying to hide under all that clothing?), and “Pyjama Man” is generally not to be trusted, but can sometimes be relied upon to aid in various acts of derring-do.
Then I spiked their orange juice with vodka and sent ‘em to bed.
Jenn, this was great! You are awesome! And Simon, that was hillrious as well!
jenn.
excuse my french, pardon me, but fuck ‘em all.
you, my friend, are what’s real and good and right about this world. write. keep writing. keep keepin’ it real. you are a beacon of truth in the monotonous sea of bullshit.
plus you make me laugh out loud.
plus you make me realize that i’m not crazy.
plus you make me breathe.
and for that, i am thankful, and i raise the ‘breed ‘em and weep’ rally flag in the faces of all the haters and dare them to try and take it out of my hands.
keep writing, please, i beg you, forever and always.
and fuck. ‘em. all.
many many thanks from your dedicated west coast reader
holly
I absolutely love your description of why you do this. Absolutely. “I was paying attention.” That is crucial for our children, and for them to know right now and later. Well-said! And really, in my household of 4 children under 8, it is impossible to secretly shower and dress. They are always there… always watching…always questioning…always noticing. The least we can do is laugh about naked tales/tails and hopefully garner some cool stories to tell our friends.
I love how you articulated the reasons for why you write.
I hope those reasons keep your skin tough enough.
I completely understand why you’d be surprised by those commenters. Seriously, I couldn’t believe them. But, wow, I am so damn impressed by your abilities.
Grrrr! Some of those ridiculous comments confirmed my worst fears about living back in the Puritanical US of A. Let’s all rent a bus and drive by their homes, flashing and mooning.
Last year, P and I were in Colorado and he was casually changing from jeans to shorts in the parking lot. Suddenly, I realized where we were and told him to “quick, quick – get in the van, you can’t do that out here!”. When he asked me why, I told him he’d get arrested. He asked me why. I still don’t have an answer for that one. Here, it’s – if you don’t want people looking, don’t show it. If you don’t want to look, turn away.
Land of the Free… I love my country despite it’s faults, but seriously, sometimes- just,- bah.
I was truly appalled at some of the comments left!!! ( In the Globe, not here.) It was curious to see that most of the “shocked and horrified” ones came from names that might be connoted to be male. What did surprise me was the eagerness of some to digdigdig and find at all costs something ugly about something so completely innocent. The negative comments flew so wide of the mark. What I think is that you are a fine writer and in my family you would deffo be commended for drawing such a strong reaction. Mediocre writers only get a vague smile and a nod, but controversy follows true talent. And as for your poetry—it is simply masterful. I am looking forward to an anthology! XOFifi Pee Ess I never did see the word “supple” in there but it every time reminds me of some dialogue in this hysterical old film called “Airplane”. Mustn’t take the bitter criticism to heart, not when one see the source of it…
Wow. I hardly ever read comments, but I just went back and read a few at the Globe site. Man.
I’d read your article a few days ago and thought it was lovely. Wouldn’t have expected that much crazy to come out of the woodwork.
I honestly don’t understand how it is possible that someone, even one in such a Puritanical society, could be THAT offended by what you wrote. I chalk it up to a diseased world with people who project their diseased thoughts and rage onto things that are innocent, simple.
Anyway, so sorry. Screw ‘em.
Keep on being strong, brave and writing the truth of your life. I used to agonize over the fact I did not have a normal family, that my kids were not perfect, that even though they were brilliant they did not bring home marks to show the world that. That they got into trouble. That I sometimes wished I never had kids because of the problems they cause.
What a load of wasted time. My kids are perfect, they are great, and all those normal looking families probably had mothers going through the same feelings. They too were wondering. WRITE, SHARE, we all need to know we are not alone. ♡
I was surprised by the reaction as well, because when I read that post and got choked up at how honest and lovely it was… then came the haters.
Seriously, why must people be on the lookout for some benign thing to get in a tizzy about?
…when I read that post I (not and) got choked up…
oh… edit BEFORE you press submit.
Hang in there! Keep writing, there are a lot of people out here who appreciate your words.
You have my complete sympathy. I HATE weathering storms like this one. I’ve heard that we’re supposed to develop thick skins, but I don’t think that’s either possible or advisable. I think the people with the thick skins are the ones saying the awful, awful things.
Seriously, don’t let a passle of one-toothed backwoods bible thumping hypocrites hurt you, they are constantly slinking around with their noses to the ground seeking out anything and anyone to take out their own self-loathing and fear on. Clearly they were raised to hate their own bodies and to view them as dirty. As a single mother of two daughters, I found your article wonderful and brave, and sadly, for the reasons I state above, I actually was not surprised that those types of commenters would come crawling out of the woodwork. As Fifi said above, a truly gifted writer speaks truth in a way that can attract controversy whereas a poor writer will just get glossed over and forgotten. Keep up the good work.
Oh dude! I was rolling my eyes so hard when I read some of those comments. According to them we are total moral degenerates over here for using the sauna together as a family and me co-sleeping in the buff with the 3yo,
Tsk. I thought it was a beautifully written article.
Crazy commenters. You are the best. xxx
p.s. Matteo would like to take issue with your title – he feels ‘oi oi oi’ is much more captivating. Which is presumably why he ‘says’ it so often.
You should have posted a warning on these comments (from your post above)….”Warning may be hazardous to your health or computer equipment if reading while drinking or consuming food.”
I just choked on and spit my lemonade all over my monitor after reading Simon’s comment. And then proceeded to snort it all back up and do it again while reading more of them.
What a hoot!
These are the comments that matter Jenn. Those nasty, ignorant ones from the Globe….well if you had the opportunity to meet and listen to those folks in person and they were spewing that stuff to your face, most likely you would walk away from them with eyes rolling and probably a few well chosen muttered words (personally, I’d clock ‘em over the head…but I have more violent tendancies than you do…)
Unfortunately, the internet has given brass balls to many folks that would never consider being that rude in a personal verbal exhange….it’s sad that they instead use their internet anonymity to give them a sense of bravada and meaness.
Ah, the act of autobiographical text, the ultimate “flashing” of one’s naked self to the world. How brave of you to publish.
Unfortunately, as with any form of art, there are those who see the beauty, the pain, the courageous act of sharing behind such baring of the soul, and there are those who cannot see past the shocking reflection of such latent humanity.
I, for one, an a fan of of the flash. Disrobe your writing and make us stare. Shock us. Endear us. Horrify us. We need you.
Thank you, brave naked warrior of the pen.
Perhaps wear lipstick next time. A ruby-red shield to kiss the arrows that will surely come.
With great admiration…
Is it a cop out to just nod my head and say “I agree with everyone else here”? I wish I could come up with my own original way to say all that has been said, but many more talented than I have already left my thoughts in the previous comments. Your writing, both here and wherever else we might have the privilege of reading it is glorious, inspiring, thought provoking. It’s a shame that there are a vocal few so comfortable in their restraints as to feel threatened by your freedom.
How could you not have thought the piece in the newspaper wouldn’t attract comments, both negative and positive? Do you think the editor published it as filler? Have you read Salon’s piece on women writers and self-confession?
A blog is a public forum and it isn’t. I wouldn’t have known your name if I hadn’t seen the newspaper essay.
And I can’t think why you felt the need to bring up your sexual response. How odd.
Your detractors quite surprised me with their ire over so little. Is there still such a strong contingent of body deniers, nudity opposers? Let them stew. It’s obviously what they want to do, anyway. When people are offended, they can feel like they’re important.
Hey uh, Dawn? (tap tap)
I think the point is the extent of the harsh response, and how it registered for Jenn.
While it’s very *sensitive* of you to re-remind everyone of the obvious fact there there are always going to be positive and negative feedback, I don’t see a purpose in your post.
Maybe you wanted to re-affirm the Salon in what I can only guess to be the details of a devious plot to subjugate women through their own stories. (I won’t pay to read, so I don’t know what it says. Do they still charge?)
No. You smell of despair and mistrust and a mission. Waddle along now, and terrorize someone else with your quick cuts.
You have no place questioning Jenn’s sincerity. And there’s a giant looming wall surrounding. Do care where you tread.
i get that when you publish, particularly online, you and your work are “public.” how do you balance it? you have to use your sensitivity to live, observe, process, and turn out an articulate piece, and yet that same sensitivity means that critical and misguided comments can sting even more. one of my celeb favs george clooney says he never believes the best of his fans or the worst of his critics. it’s going to be interesting to see how you balance sharing and protecting your center. keep us posted! and i thought this post was a good way to counter-argue, btw
dawn,
oh please, it is anything but odd, it is obvious. whenever faking anything comes up the accused woman is automatically assumed to be also faking in bed.
the point is NOT whether or not she thought ahead about the debate or the editors intentions for the article. the point is jenn expressed her feelings about this in an open and honest way on HER blog. Feelings are not something that can be debated, they are just what they are and unless you are somehow present in her body with her, feeling said feelings, you have no reason to doubt or judge her reactions. AND if you were someone who knew her or had been reading here for years, you would also know well enough that there is not a fake bone in that gorgeous body, even if she tried she couldn’t fake a thing.
so take your negative self off to bother someone else.
Oh, lady…
Negative comments from people you have never met are a special kind of hurtful, I remember that from getting bad reviews of shows I designed when I was working in NYC. I feel you. It sucks.
Luckily, the BEAW nation is here for you, we are with you, and when we see those folks we will soap their windows put boogers on their door knobs.
Lovelovelove.
Come to the Left Coast. We are not so (p)rude!
dawn, why do you come here to bother jenn? why not just respond at boston.com and let it lie? you accuse this amazing and gifted person of faking it, but your accusation is baseless because you a) don’t know her and b) are clearly unwilling to read her blog and get to know her.
really, who could have known this would get so nutty.
enough is enough. go away. buh bye.
I’m sorry Jenn. I will never understand why people have to be so hateful. I check your blog daily but rarely commnt. I have never felt anything but amazement at both your writing and your daily struggle. Maybe I should comment more….If it helps to hear this from a stranger I think you are fabulous and that you speak for many more than you know!
What the hell is Dawn doing over here if she is so disgusted?
Yuck.
I thought it was a great piece, and I loved how you were TRYING to convey the honesty in your parenting style. Where the heck are our girls going to have realistic body images, if not from seeing their mom naked ? I just don’t get it. Thank god I had seen my mother’s c-section scar before I had one of my own !
“I asked her do it again and again so I could tell you about it…”
AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OMG! Too Funny! Can’t. Stop. Laughing.
Boston Globe huh? Remember, New England was settled by puritans. All those people who left nasty comments probably had distant relatives who burned women at the stake because they parted their hair on the left side or wore the color blue or something….
Screw ‘em!
I love your response to all that hate and tightassedness.
I thought your article was great, just like this blog. Just like you.
I didn’t read the comments on your article, but thought your article was awesome.
Yesterday I had the beautiful experience of sharing mikvah (a spiritual immersion in living waters) with about 40 other women, ranging in age from about 12 to about 70. Some kept their swimsuits on; others took their swimsuits off. We were short and tall, fat and thin, breasted and no-longer-breasted, whole and scarred, some with hair and some without hair. And we were all, in that moment of singing and rejoicing together in the swimming pool, so beautiful.
I don’t know what the 12-year-old girls thought. But I know I wish I could have grown up with that occasional experience. It might not have taken me so long to come to love my own body, no matter where it falls on the spectrum of beautiful real bodies, if I had.
I love you. I love Simon. And where the hell is Spot when we need him? I loved him too.
You are awesome. I have to wonder if some of the people who have their panties in a wad over your article are the same people who see nothing wrong with beauty pageants for babies and dressing their 6-year-old daughters like Britney Spears. If we want to talk about sick, what kind of message is THAT sending?
You feeling comfortable in your body in front of your daughters so they, in turn, can hopefully grow up feeling comfortable and healthy in theirs…what a concept.
Those people are asshats. Pure and simple.
(I hope using the word asshat didn’t get me stricken from your 10,000 pages.)
XX
Okay… I have read the article… I have read your response to the article…. and I have even read your darling mother’s response. While I don’t laugh at you, I do LOL at some of the ridiculous comments that followed your writing.
My sister, mother and I were frequently naked together; whether we wildly running around the house trying to get dressed because we were ALWAYS late or leisurely getting dressed in the bathroom with one in the tub, one putting on clothes, and one sitting naked on the bathroom counter putting on makeup. We often shared a dressing room because 3 opinions are better than one and it was better than having to run up and down the dressing aisle, especially when something looked horrible. What I can tell you is that we laughed a lot and I learned a lot. Most importantly these moments provided the opportunity for my sister and I to ask important questions about our ever changing female bodies in a comfortable setting.
Holy hell. I grew up in Western Mass and now live south of Boston and I’m embarrassed and horrified. As you were, I was so psyched to see your words printed in my Sunday Globe, and now so disappointed to read the cruel feedback.
Sadly, people don’t realize the difference between nudity, sexuality, and profanity. My husband and I are regularly naked in front of our 4 year-old son and 2 year-old daughter. Not because we’re twisted– just because it’s what you do when you are getting ready with children who don’t know that bodies are anything to be ashamed of. Jeesus. I GREW these people and then nourished them on my breastmilk and now it’s dirty if they see me in the buff?
I want my daughter to know what a real woman looks like and how to feel comfortable in her own skin. I want my son to know that even imperfect bodies are insanely beautiful. And I want these magical creatures to know how wonderful these bodies are– that crawl, jump, run, and dance us through this imperfect life. You are doing the same for your daughters and they will thank you for it.
Now I feel like mooning someone…
Jenn – you inspire. You show more strength than most of us could ever hope to acheive. My hat is off to you for your talent, your courage, and your kindness. It all comes through in your writings.
Your detractors could take some tips by your examples if they weren’t so set on their own agendas.
Shel and Simon – love your comments.
Oops – yes, I know how to spell “achieve”.
“I loved you so much that I wrote this down. I was paying attention. This is what I saw. This was our life together. You mattered. You matter. You will always matter.”
oh, this makes me cry. How lucky your girls are to have a mother who pays attention. Naked, clothed, whatever.
I have the opposite problem, Jenn…I have a son. I want to teach him that air-brushed women are not the norm, and that we are all different and that’s okay. I was pretty casual with him when he was a child, but now that he’s a teen — I stay clothed. Still, we talk about the videos he sees or the women in magazines and he seems to have a pretty positive idea of what “real” women look like and that they should be respected. (It doesn’t hurt that some of his female friends are outstanding athletes and can kick his butt on the soccer field any day.) Kudos to you for having the sense to teach your daughters to value themselves as they are, and not as society says they should be.
Amanda Fortini wrote the Salon piece, which you might all want to read. http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2009/07/03/confessional_writing/index.html
I wasn’t at all perturbed by Jenn’s story in the Globe, but I can see why a casual reader might wonder why a professional writer didn’t see the flak coming.