a little bit

Do all moms hate themselves a little bit
is what she asks me. She has heard me
arguing with my own mother, and I have
said, Yes, I know, my life sucks, thank you

(voices like bones scraping bones clean)

You said a bad word about your life,
is what she says. It is true, I have. One night
later and they are both screaming, wailing,
and I refuse to give in

(stone becomes stonier)

I’m supposed to be watching the Olympics,
my teacher said she’s not giving us too much
homework because I’m supposed to be watching
the Olympics, she says

(stretched and tearing)

Your teacher is your teacher and I am your
mother and you are not watching the Olympics,
not tonight, I say

(heat rises)

You should have done your homework earlier.
You had all day. That was your responsibility.
I know you are in between being a little girl
and a big girl and that is a very hard place to be,
but you still have to do your homework

(pack the soil, hard)

She cries into the bathroom mirror. I am ugly,
she says. What? I say. I am ugly, she repeats,
and I want to shake her and hold her and rock her all at once

(throat like scars on scars)

You are beautiful, absolutely beautiful, and that is
that. You still have to do your homework. Brush
your teeth and do your homework and no Olympics
and you are beautiful, period, forever, amen

(pulling, until rope burns through skin)

Stop being mad, she yells.
I’m not mad, I’m frustrated,
I say. THEY ARE THE SAME THING she insists,
and I say, THEY ARE NOT. Brush your teeth. Then
do your homework and I will come in and rub your back
when you are done

(claws stay in stay in)

The little one wants all, wants now, wants
chocolate croissant, wants water, wants ice
skating and bobsledding and no socks, not
ever, not ever, socks are stinky and so there
are screams, thrashing, gnashing teeth

(blood boils)

No one is happy and everyone is acting half
her age including the dismayed mother who
wants to know when why how here?

(vomit stay down stay down)

Skin is what quiets the night, coaxes the
beasts to settle, lie still. Rough hand on a warm
back. Whimpers subside while my heart pounds,
begs silently, pleads for the not guilty verdict

(throb but do not swear)

The little one sleeps at last while the older
one puts her finished homework into her
backpack and climbs into bed. Her hand
seeks mine and we squeeze. I know you
do it for our own good, I know that is why,
she says, and I hug her and the jury is dismissed

(breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out)