Some, and some others

January 25, 2012 · 4 comments

They’re not here. They’re wherever it is they are and will ever be, with whomever—the whomever who happens to not be me, or you, for that matter. There’s no reason to give a damn, anyway. There’s no benefit in giving a f*ck, giving a damn. Hindsight is 20-20, as they say. The photos don’t lie. [...]

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That’s super, honey

January 25, 2012 · 4 comments

H: [reading from the sentences she's written for homework] “I love the smell of panties.” Me: [gulp] What? H: [louder] “I LOVE THE SMELL OF PANTIES.” Me: WHAT?!? [checking homework, which reads "I LOVE THE SMELL OF PEONIES"] Oh. Of course. Peonies. H: It’s like you’re deaf.

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On uncrushing a dream or two

January 24, 2012

“I wanted to be a dancer. But you crushed that dream,” says Sophie. We are nestled in her loft, having one of our bedtime chats. Dream-crushing, however, is a new topic. “I crushed a dream? When did I crush a dream? How could I not notice, that I crushed a dream?” “I was five.” “What [...]

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how to be a proper fool

January 11, 2012

First, write a how-to series on your blog. Be esoteric. Amuse yourself. Cry while you type, then snort-laugh, then cry again. You are a necessary fool. Now it’s time to be a proper one. You saw that coming, I know. Best accept your fate. Necessary, proper. Without you, the protagonists would have no one to [...]

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how to have a nightmare

January 8, 2012

First, brush your younger daughter’s hair while you watch Man Vs. Food together on the couch. Attempt a French braid, like gentle-eyed mothers in poignant dramas do. Admire your lopsided attempt. Then realize the French braid is one of many, many things that you will do for your daughter that she will never see for [...]

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how to not have cervical cancer now but maybe next week instead

January 7, 2012

First, hear the stealth taps. Tap. Tap. Two taps, on the red metal screen door. Bolt to the door, then, from the dining room. Witness your Passive-Aggressive Postal Ninja Lady scurrying down your stairs. Fling open the door. Say, Hey. Hi. I’m home. That’s why the front door is open behind the screen door. And [...]

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answers to the ten questions you have been too polite to ask

January 6, 2012

1. That? Yeah. That’s not happening. That’s not going to happen.

2. I do appreciate your not saying I told you so. I really, really appreciate it. Your self-restraint is commendable. It’s one of the many reasons that I love you, you know.

[more...]

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the road more taken

January 2, 2012

I stare at the massive heap of bills, knowing already which ones will have to wait. The nausea intensifies. Three digits in the bank account, and the mortgage is due on the 12th. The real estate tax bill also arrived, a charmer at $518. I haven’t paid for the last oil delivery, either—another doozy at [...]

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My wet, dirty, filthy 2012 New Year’s Resolution

December 31, 2011

Happy New Year’s Eve, lovable, raucous Breed ‘Em and Weepers! This will not be eloquent, not one bit. I love you very much. Thank you for putting up with my quiet, my loopy poems, and my messy brain. I give thanks for you daily (true. daily.). I wish I had a big mansion with an [...]

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So 2011

December 29, 2011

I was going to say that none of us can afford to lose any more people, but that is so 2011. A New Year walks into a bar. Tells the bartender that 2012 can take or leave anyone. Bartender says Yeah, but you still want a drink, right? 2012 shrugs. Punchlines are so 2011. 2012′s [...]

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